Heavy in Your Arms
by RewindedMiracle
Summary: "Are you strong enough to stand? Protecting both your heart and mine?" The things we do for love. He left to save her, now it's her turn to return the favor. Fenris/F!Hawke. AU. Rated M for content.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** _Another Fenris/F!Hawke pairing. I couldn't help it. Because there are already enough of these stories that retell the game, this starts in Act III. It's AU. Because I'm a fan of it. Lol Hope you guys enjoy. This one is going to take a dark turn in the future. It's rated him for smut and other adult content. You've been warned. ;3  
><em>

"Heavy in Your Arms"

_Who is the betrayer?  
>Who's the killer in the crowd?<br>The one who creeps in corridors  
>And doesn't make a sound<em>

_-"Heavy in Your Arms" by Florence and the Machine_

Not once did he think that he would be repeating the acts that Danarius had him do but as he slumped to his knees, Fenris stared up at the vision of beauty before him. Another mage had taken his will power from him. The disturbing thought was that he had in fact, let her. Lily Hawke stared down at him. She brought her hands down and her finger tips lightly grazed the skin of his jaw. Light electricity scaled the contours of his face before slowly dissipating. He didn't dare to think of where she had learned that. His calloused hands slowly crawled up her legs, around her thighs and they trailed to the soft skin near the burning heat that he wanted a taste of. He dipped head towards her sex. He rubbed his cheek against the soft skin of her inner thighs. He listened carefully as her breath hitched. His fingers were the first to explore her. His tongue was next. His fingers gripped onto her curvaceous thighs to keep her standing as his tongue darted in and out of her. A soft moan escaped her before he pulled back. Fenris trailed kisses across her abdomen.

"Stand up," she whispered. He did as she commanded. His hands never left her. His lips caught one of her breast and she leaned into him. He nibbled gently at the sensitive area. "Oh Fenris," she moaned. Yes. He liked the way she said his name. It was like the sweetest treat a man could receive. Her luscious lips curved into a smirk as she purred his name again. He lifted her body up and she wrapped her legs around him as she helped guide his fullness into her body. Her hips bucked against him before he pressed her against the wall. Her small frame fit perfectly against him as he balanced her there before moving himself out of her and thrusting back inside. The motion became natural. Her nails dug into the skin of his shoulder. He called out her name and that was when he could remember.

_Warmth. The heat of the sun enveloped him. The smell of the sea washed over him and he smiled. "Leto!" That was his name. He turned his head to look at the small red haired child sitting next to him. Varania was her name. She looked happy. Was he happy? "Look!" She pointed off into the distance. Ships had covered the horizon. He did not recognize him but a child like sense of fascination had taken over. He scrambled to his feet. He wanted a closer look. Firm but gentle hands seated him back down. He turned his head the other way and tilted it upwards to see the woman standing there. Her smile was radiant. He wanted to ask if she was an angel but he knew the answer already._

"_Now, now my children," she started. She spoke softly like any mother would. Her matching green eyes had taken a glow. "We mustn't venture closer." She looked past them at the ships again. Fenris thought she knew secrets of what was to come. He envied her. He wanted to be her. "Come now," she said, "Let us go to the gardens." She smiled again as Varania had let out a girlish giggle. Their mother ran her fingers through his hair and hummed a tune that he would not hear until later._

It was the same tune that Lily sung before she drifted into sleep. They said that the Maker workd in mysterious ways. Not once did he think that he'd be back in the arms of a mage yet here he was. He closed his eyes for a brief moment. He could have lived like they were forever and not regret a moment. He had been tired of running, which had been something that Lily had known. He opened his eyes to look back at her. His next strained slightly but the view was worth it. She wore nothing but the shirt had had previously worn that day when she clung to him as if her life depended on him. Sometimes he thought that it did. She was more fragile than she let on and he had taken the role of her protector. It hadn't been his choice at first but he knew someone had to.

Her fool of a brother only worried about himself. He wanted to step out of the proverbial shadow that she had casted down upon him so long ago in their younger years so she had let him. After the Deep Roads Expedition, she had said her good-byes. The others did not wish to see her go and even offered to leave the city with her, but she would not hear of it. He was the only one that she could not convince otherwise and that had only been because he had followed her. He was still an escaped slave on the run, and she an apostate who had led him to strange places but yet they had been wonderful at the same time.

His arms wrapped around her and his fingers stroked her skin. Night had fallen and the noises of the city could be heard. Yes, sometimes they visited. They had even helped with the Qunari problem when Carver had become Champion of Kirkwall. Lily had helped track down the man that had killed their mother. To Fenris's surprise, not once did her younger brother blame her for the death of Leandra. Maybe there had been progress after all. It wasn't like they were completely out of the others lives. Lily just understood what her brother wanted and she being the sister that she was allowed him to have it. He turned his head slightly to look at her. A small smile took over his features as he looked at her.

In their little home they were safe. At least he thought. Fenris's ears perked up when he heard movement outside. He woke Lily up. "Get dressed," he told her. She looked at him confused for a moment but then quickly understood. She pulled her robes on quickly and had her staff in hand. Fenris grabbed his sword just in time for their unwelcome visitors to barge in. One by one the two worked together to overcome them but it wasn't enough soon it was them who were outnumber. Fenris used his phasing powers to get out of their grasp but they had Lily. His heart pounded against his chest. "Let her go," he growled at them. He made a motion to move but froze in his steps as a voice spoke. It was a voice that he had hoped not to hear in his life ever again…but it was also a voice he knew that he should have expected sooner or later.

"My little wolf." Fenris cringed. "Don't make any hasty movements or the lovely woman will die, and in the most painful way while you watch. It would be such a shame to do so, don't you think?" Danarius came into view. His face was more sunken in that Fenris had remembered. His skin sagged off of his face. His gray hair was coarse, almost like straw. It was the toll that blood magic took on a mage. Fear gripped him but he didn't allow it to show. "Drop the sword."

"Let her go," he countered.

Danarius let out a small laugh. "Now Fenris," he started. He tilted his head to the side for a moment and a wicked smile had taken over. "Sweeten the deal and she will not be harmed."

Fenris's eyebrows furrowed together. "What do you want?" He asked the question that he had already known the answer to.

"You," his former master simply told him. No. This couldn't be happening. He had fallen asleep without realizing it and the Fade had decided to play a cruel joke on him. This was just a dream. He would wake up soon and be lying in his comfortable bed with his woman in his arms.

"I never wanted these filthy markings Danarius but I will not let you kill me to get them," he spat at him. Danarius laughed, with each time he did so Fenris could feel his stomach churn. "I won't let you kill her either."

"How little you know, my pet," the magister said. "What is it to be?"

Fenris hesitated as he looked at Lily. She shook her head. "Don't do it," she told him, "You are a free man. You are not in his chains." He watched as a tear rolled down her cheek. "Please don't do this," she begged him. He felt his shoulders slump and he dropped his sword. Lily looked like she was ready to attack to defend him but one of the men holding her hit the back of her next with the hilt of his sword with such force he knocked her out.

"No!" He screamed.

"Don't worry," Danarius started, "She will wake up soon enough but we will be long gone…unless you wish it otherwise."

The elf whirled around to look at the mage. "I…" He was at a loss for words. "Very well. I will go but…" He looked back at Lily's body on the ground. "Do not harm her and I will not fight."

"Agreed."

That was it then. The men started to leave his home and he hung his head before he followed Danarius. He turned to look back at Lily. When she woke, he hoped that she realized he had done this for her.

* * *

><p>Sun flooded her home and Lily woke with a start. Mind blast erupted from her and she heard an 'oomph' as someone crashed into the wall. Oops. "Fenris!" She screamed for him. Her eyes frantically darted around the room. She looked to see who was in her home with her and saw Varric. "Oh! Makers breath!" She cried before she scrambled to her feet to check on him. Her small hands gripped onto his arms as she pulled him up into a sitting position. "Varric! I'm so sorry!" The dwarf rubbed his head and let out a small groan.<p>

"That wasn't the kind of welcome that I was expecting," he told her before giving her a small smirk. Joking as always but Lily wanted to tell him that now wasn't the time for jokes. She wanted to know if she had hurt him but it didn't seem that way. Lucky for the dwarf, magic didn't really faze him. "But it's nice to see you too." He looked around. "Where's the elf?" Realization dawned upon her and she crumbled. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Memories of the previous night came back to her in a rushing wave. "They took him," she sobbed before pulling back. She brought up her hands and fiercely wiped at her eyes. "I have to get him back. I have to save him. I…"

"Hawke, you're not making any sense," Varric said and shook his head, "Calm down. Take a breather. What happened?"

"We were ambushed," she told him as she slowly tried to regain her composure, "Danarius. Oh Maker. He found us. Fenris went with him to save me. What a stupid fool. We have to save him Varric. We have to. Please." Lily looked at her friend and saw the shocked there.

"He didn't…" Lily wasn't sure if she was going to like what was going to come out of his mouth next. She paused and eyed him carefully. She mentally tried to brace herself for what was next.

"What?" She asked.

"A man stopped by the Hawke Estate," he told her, "No one knew who he was but he said he had information about Fenris's family. Carver… he told him where you were." Her whole body went numb. Good intentions or not, her brother had been the one that gave away where they were. Logically, she knew that she shouldn't blame him. It wasn't his fault for not knowing but how could he be so stupid to tell a stranger? So much for the Champion of Kirkwall protecting all of its citizens, but then again, it was her who had walked away…but for him. She didn't want to think logically though she knew what she had to do. If Fenris thought leaving would save her, she would return the favor by saving him. "I don't like that look you're giving me."

"I'm going to find Carver," she told him, "Come with me or not. Maker be damned if anyone stops me."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** _You guys are wonderful. ;3 A small change in POV for the end part. Hope you guys enjoy. _

"Heavy in Your Arms"

_Wake me up, wake me up when all is done  
>I won't rise until this battle's won<br>My dignity's become undone_

_-"He Won't Go" by Adele_

"Mistress Hawke," the surprise of her being there had been evident on Bodhans' face as she stormed past him. "Master Hawke is-"

"I don't care," she interrupted him. Determination had taken over. Perhaps going to Tevinter wasn't the brightest of ideas but it was the only one that she had. Lily heard Bodhan make more protests behind her. He even went as far as to ask Varric to help but she paid no attention to them. "Carver!" She called for her brother. No answer. Oh. Maker. He. Was. Going. To. Answer. "Carver!" She yelled for him as she got louder before she headed for the stairs. The door to the farthest room in the back opened and she heard an inaudible grumble.

"What in the Maker's name is…" His voice drifted off when their eyes met. "Sister," he greeted her, "I wasn't expecting you."

Lily shook her head. "I knew you didn't approve of him but why tell a complete stranger where we were?" She asked. Carver made a face at her as if he had no clue to why she was upset. "Don't you know better?"

"After what happened in the Holding Caves I thought he'd want to know about his family," he replied, "I know from personal experience that it helps." He referred back to the time where she had given him the letters she found in the cellar from their father to Carver's namesake. "Why? What's wrong?" She bit her lower lip to stop it from quivering. Guilt washed over her. She had been so angry at Carver but it hadn't been his fault. He was doing what he thought was best.

"Danarius found us," she told him. Carver's face fell and he glanced behind him. "I'm sorry dear brother is this a bad time?" She sounded bitter and she knew it. He shook his head 'no' and that's when she saw Isabela emerge from his room. Oh. Her friend gave her a sheepish smile. Modesty was not befitting to the pirate. "I…" She was a loss for words now. "I need your help." She glanced at the floor. She was going to need all of their help. "They took him. They took Fenris. I need your help to get him back." Her vision blurred as tears gathered at the rims of her eyes. She looked back at him.

"Lils," he started, "I can't…"

No. That was not what she was going to hear. "I've never asked you for anything in my life," she told him, "I gave you everything that I could and now I'm begging you for help. What would you do?" She knew. He had cut down the Arishok in the name of defending Isabela. Carver nodded in understanding.

"You have my blade," he told her. She had gone from wanting to throttle him to wanting to hug him in a manner of minutes. "But getting into Minrathous won't be easy."

Isabela snaked her arm around Carver as she looked from him to Lily. "That's why you'll need a smugglers help."

"And mine," she heard Varric behind them, "Besides what kind of story teller would I be if I wasn't there for all the details?"

* * *

><p>It had almost been too easy to get the rest to help. Aveline was ready the moment she knew Fenris was in trouble. The two had taken a friendship together as well as Fenris having a close bond with Aveline's husband, Donnic. Merrill had been agreeable to anything since the first day they had met. She said it was what friends do for each other. Yes. Friends. Sebastian would not see his friend fall back into slavery but it had been Anders who had been the difficult one. "I will not," he told Lily when she asked for his help. "You already have the blood mage, what do you need me for? You'll be perfect there." Lily glanced back at the Dalish elf who glared, well <em>attempted<em> to glare, at Anders.

"Why?" Lily asked him, "Do you hate him so much that you would see him back to slavery?" Anders scoffed at her.

"He would see me in the Gallows," he shot back.

Lily shook her head. "He's had plenty of time to attempt to do such a thing but has he? No," she told him. She bit her lower lip and backed away from him. She was ready to leave his clinic. They could go without him. "Be selfish. If it had been you, what would you do?" With that she turned on her heels to leave. Carver touched her arm but she didn't stop.

"Lily, wait!" That hadn't been her brother that was calling for her. She didn't want to wait. She knew if she did, she was going to do something she would regret later. Then he finally caught up with her. She didn't want to look at Anders but it seemed like he wasn't going to speak unless she did. Her eyes focused on the blonde. "I'll help."

"Thank you," she replied. She tried to keep her tone as flat as possible. "It means a lot. I'm sure he'll appreciate it in the end. Maybe then you two could even get along."

"I'm not doing this for him," Anders replied.

That had caused her to pause. Her first instinct had been to question him but it wasn't her place but whatever the case, she knew that she would take whatever help that she could get. With the last of their friends recruited to help, they were ready to go to Tevinter. It was a country ruled by blood mages. They had no qualms with going beyond the norms in the rest of Thedas. They did not hesitate to collar anyone as a slave, and they had no idea what it meant to be civilized. No, their definitions about the term were different from each other. In Tevinter, the mages knew how to weave through dreams. She shuddered to think what would happen if they were found out. They needed to be careful. That much had been clear. The decision to go into the Minrathous as separate groups had been a tactical choice by Aveline and Carver. Lily knew it was smart. She would lead the first group into the capital while her brother would lead the second group. Their first priority was to find Danarius and Fenris.

The travel time was tedious. Lily wanted to keep going, even when she could bear to walk anymore. Carver begged her to rest. She couldn't. How could anyone expect that of her? There had been times when he had to hold her up as they went. She couldn't think straight. She couldn't sleep. All she could think about was what Danarius was doing to Fenris. Isabela had offered them to go by her ship but Lily had been sure that the trip on the sea would have taken longer than through the rest of the Free Marches, the edges of Nevarra, around the Silent Plains and beyond. They had been travelling nonstop until they reached the edges of the Tevinter Imperium when they set camp.

"We have to keep going," she begged them.

"Sister, look at us," Carver started, "We're tired and need to sleep. Fenris will still be there after we rest." Yes. She knew. She was just afraid of the state they would find them in.

"He's right Hawke," Aveline told her, "I don't think I can move another muscle." If Aveline couldn't keep going, then it was a sign. Lils bit her lower lip and nodded.

"Ok," she agreed, "I'm sorry. Let's rest." A chorus of 'thank the Maker' erupted and she felt herself flinched. She glanced to see Carver watching her and she looked away. She had to admit that she was disappointed but she couldn't go by herself.

* * *

><p>Night had fallen and as Lily looked out to the distance, she could see the various cities of the Imperium calling out to her. It was her turn to stand guard. Actually, it had been Varric's but the poor dwarf was too tired and she couldn't sleep anyways. Lily rubbed her eyes and let out a small yawn. "You should really sleep you know," a voice told her. She would have jumped to her feet immediately if she didn't recognize the voice. She turned her head to look at her brother who took a seat next to her. "I wanted to apologize again," he continued, "I feel like this is my fault. If you blame me, I fully accept the responsibility."<p>

She raised an eyebrow at her brother. Years ago he would have pointed the finger at her even if she hadn't been to blame. He would have seen her be punished for his down faults but now, he wasn't her kid brother anymore. Carver had grown into a man and she felt sorry that she had missed most of his growing. "I don't blame you," she told him. Not anymore, though that time had been brief. "Danarius finding him was only a matter of time…. It's just…" The words choked in her throat. They were bitter, vile, and made the pits of her stomach church. She sniffed and her vision blurred. She never cried in front of her brother. She had always wanted to be strong for him, for everyone… now she felt like she was coming undone.

"I understand," he told her quietly. Lily wiped at her eyes.

"Do you?" She watched as his gaze turned to the sleeping figure of Isabela. "Ah," she said. She lifted up a hand and touched his shoulder. "Well I have to hand it to you. I never thought I'd see the day that either of you settled down." She watched her brother blush.

"It's far from that, Sister," he told her, "But I understand what you're doing. We all do." He paused. "I would've done the same if it was her or you." His words meant a lot to her. Perhaps more than she was able to fully articulate but she knew her brother would understand. She gave him a small smile.

"Aren't you supposed to be sleeping?" She asked.

"I've had enough sleep. It's your turn. We'll leave when first dawn breaks."

True to his word, Carver had everyone pack and no one complained. Lily wondered how much had she missed being away with Fenris. She could clearly see that all of them looked to her baby brother as their leader. It would take two days to get to Minrathous. It was two days too long if you asked her. When the second day arrived, they could see the highest point of the oldest city in Thedas, their Circle of Magi tower. Around the city giant walls had been built. The dark brick and design made her think of Kirkwall. Lined along the bottom of the city's walls were what seemed to be inactive golems. People said that in Minrathous's prime, the city glistened in the sunlight. Now, it seemed that the dull and decay of a dying city had gray its former glory.

As she looked upon the capital of the Imperium, her hands shook. Her knees buckled. Steady hands guided her. She could almost feel him near her, if that was possible. She turned her head to look at Aveline. The Captain gave her a small smile accompanied with a nod. Lily returned the gesture and they ventured through the gates of Minrathous with Varric and Anders in tow. She glanced back where she knew Carver and the others were. They would arrive shortly after them. They were dressed in Tevinter clothing to be mistaken as Imperium refugees fleeing the cities conquered by the Qunari.

She didn't have a sense of victory until they were allowed to pass through thanks to a little story weaved from the depths of Varric's never ending imagination. Once they were inside, Lily watched as people passed by them. The city was overrun, crowded… It was like Kirkwall after the Blight. She realized that not everyone was a mage. She remembered when Fenris told her that not everyone was a mage but the magisters never hesitated to collar their own kind. They all had to keep their wits about them, that was obvious. Once of the guards stopped them. "State your purpose," he ordered.

"We're refugees," Aveline told him. She was the most experienced with handling guards but the pain in her voice made the situation all too familiar. It was the same tone she took when they first stepped off the boat in Kirkwalls docks. "We come from Qarinus," she told him, "We spotted Qunair and wished to seek refuge in the capital." Way to go Aveline. "My companion here is weary from the travel, having lost her family. Is there a place I can take her?"

The guard looked from Aveline to Lily then to Anders and Varric. "Very well," he started, "The tavern is full but find a place and it shall be yours." _We won't be there long enough to stake a claim, _Lily thought to herself.

"Thank you," they all told the guard. The man dipped his head in response and made a motion for them to leave.

"Where do you think he is?" Lily asked.

"They're here alright," Anders replied, "Any magister in the Imperium houses in Minrathous."

"I'll see if I can make anyone loosen their tongues at the tavern," Varric spoke up, "I'll meet you lot later."

"You shouldn't go alone," Aveline scolded the dwarf, who just smiled at him.

"I'm not," he said before he tugged at Anders's arm. "Let's go, Sparklefingers."

"You know…you're not the first dwarf to call me that."

* * *

><p><em>Somewhere in the city…<em>

Fenris cringed and let out a small groan as he opened his eyes. He knew he was bound for darkness but he wasn't aware of the mocking capability that it had. He did not know how long he had been there. Days had passed, maybe even weeks or months. Who knew? He had certainly lost count. He thought of the smell of the sea, the flowery scent that he had grown accustomed to, and the soft skin that he had missed. His tongue ran slowly over his lower lip. He winced feeling the cracks caused by the dryness. He was thirsty. Danarius had continued his old ways of trying to break him. It wasn't going to work but in his mind questions still plagued him. What was the mage up to? What was his angle in the little game he was playing?

He would not allow regret to come to him. He knew the choice he made was the right one if it meant sparing her life. How would things be different if he had managed to convince her to stay in the city? Her brother would have been in a calling distance. Aveline would barge through any intruder. Varric would have Bianca ready and focused. Isabela would have been around. Sebastian's arrow would have been trained on any intruder if his aide was called. Even Merrill and… Anders would have had their backs. It was too late to think of that now.

He sat up slowly. His body ached. A single window in the shape of a tiny rectangle was in the room and offered little light. Fenris wondered if he could have escaped through it. He could have ripped off the bars. Could phase his entire body through the wall? Oh. He had tried. It wasn't possible. The window had a magical barricade that he could not strike through. His… master had taken extra precautions to make that he wouldn't escape this time. He was trapped, like a caged animal.

A familiar cackle vibrated through the door of his prison. _Hadriana_. "Your master wishes to have his pet brought out to him, step aside," he heard. It wasn't until moments later that the door opened. Fenris braced himself. The first guard that stepped through, Fenris used the powers that the lyrium gave him to tear out the heart of the poor man. He threw the still beating thing in Hadriana's face. With a whip of her staff, he was on his knees. "It is nice to see you still have your spirit, Fenris," she said. Her blue eyes watched him before she snaked around the room in a circle around his froze body. _Blood magic._ He did not want to succumb but his will was broken. "It is still foreign to me why you agreed to come back." She stopped in front of him and knelt down. "Love is just a distraction, one that brought you back to those who you ran so quickly from. Where is love now? Hm? Will it save you, Fenris?" Her voice had become a dry whisper. "It is nice to have my play thing back. I will have my fun when the master is done with you." Her fingers cupped his chin. "Do cheer up. You're being such a drag." She laughed again. "Come. Master is waiting."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** _Thank you for putting the stories on your favorites and alerts. Thanks to Normanee for reviewing. ;3 I wanted to give a little insight to what's happening to Fenris. –winces- Don't hate me too much for what I'm about to do to him._

"Heavy in Your Arms"

_If I should die before I wake  
>I'll go into the night whispering your name<br>If lying in your arms is the last thing that I do  
>At least I know that I'll be loved by you<em>

_-"Loved By You" by Journey_

"Maker," Carver complained, "I didn't think I would be recognized." Varric turned to the youngest Hawke and scowled. Lily had her back to the group. She didn't want to face them. She didn't want them to see the shame of her not knowing what in the Maker she was doing. Part of her was glad that she had let Carver take the lead of their little gang before she left with Fenris. She was a piss poor leader. He was much better at it. There was no doubt about that but, in that moment, she wished he used those leadership skills. If anything else, she wished he would tap into his brotherly instincts for once.

"I used the last of my coin to make sure it didn't get out," the dwarf told him, "You're welcome, by the way."

Carver looked at Lily. "I'm sorry, sister," he apologized, "I did not think they would know the Champion of Kirkwall here." Lily sighed as she stared out of the room that they managed to get thanks to Varrics' wily ways. She had thought that it might happen but against her better judgment they had practically paraded around the city and now they had to lay low. She had lost count of the days that had gone by since they left the Free Marches. "Perhaps it would be better if I stayed in here until we find out where he is."

"If only we all had that option," Lily heard Anders mutter. She shot the other mage a glare. She knew she needed to think. They needed a plan but it was her worry that had taken over everything. The emotion plagued her senses. It mocked her. It debilitated her abilities. Damn it. Her eyes wandered the streets of Minrathous and stopped at the Circle Tower.

"That," she started and pointed to the tallest point of the city, "is where they are."

"How do you know?" Isabela asked.

"Isn't this a city filled with mages?" Carver added. "They could be anywhere." That wasn't helping.

"Well it does make sense," Anders began and they all looked at him. "What?" His eyebrows furrowed together. "I mean think about it. The country is ruled by mages. The village around the tower is worse than any alienage. The Circle Tower here serves as a beacon of their strength. Of course the most powerful magisters would be there."

Lily could feel the excitement start to spark inside of her. "Then we have to get in there," she said.

"Great," he brother groaned, "Battle a bunch of mages."

"How do you propose that we do that?" Aveline asked.

"I'm all for saving the elf, Lily," Varric started, "but infiltrating their home base? I don't know if that's a fight we can win."

"It's suicide, sister," Carver interjected again, "I won't let you risk your life after he gave up his to spare yours. Would Fenris want this?" No. He wouldn't, but that wasn't the point. "Lils? Are you even listening to me? Are you listening to Varric?"

"We've been through worse," Merrill offered.

"This is going to require some skill and finesse," the dwarf added.

Lily's shoulders slumped. "Varric's right," she said before she stared at the tower again, "I'll find a way." She bit her lower lip before she whispered, "I have to."

* * *

><p>The wicked grin on his face was almost dehumanizing. He was an elf but by standards in the Imperium, he was not to be treated as he was more than shit on the road. Fenris was on his knees before Danarius. He prayed to any God that would listen. He prayed to the Maker. He…just wanted someone to listen. The crude acts that his master wanted him to perform were not something that he wanted to do. Such intimate moments were reserved for one and one only. Danarius cupped his chin with his elongated fingers and made Fenris look at him. "You know," he started, "you weren't always this way. Once upon a time you had affection for me. Dare I say you might have even loved me. I remember it fondly."<p>

He wanted to move but realized that he couldn't. So Fenris got his retribution with the only thing he could think of. He spit in his masters face. "I do not remember it that way," he said. Hatred spewed from his mouth and soaked his words. The mage laughed.

"Well," he started, "We're just going to have to start over now, aren't we?" Danarius nodded to the others in the room. Fenris wanted to turn his head to see them coming. He wanted to be able to fight them. They thought they were men…he would show them what it was to really be a man. He was lifted into the air and put on a slab of cold stone. His memories… Fenris searched in the depths of his soul and recalled this from before.

"No!" He yelled.

"Hush now, my pet."

It burned. He felt magic course through him to keep him still. He couldn't even move his lips to scream in agonizing pain. He wanted to claw at his skin. He wanted to rip the _filthy_ markings off himself. Lyrium was being etched into his flesh again. His vision blurred and the image of Danarius smiling down upon him vanished. He was on fire. He was freezing. He was drowning. He couldn't breathe. Maker let it stop. Make it stop! Fenris could feel the cold blade ripping through his skin. He could feel the blood drip from his wound. He watched as Danarius moved his lips but no sound came out. His hands were covered in blood. Fenris knew that his body was no longer his own and soon his mind wouldn't be either. The sickness of lyrium poisoning threatened to take over as the substance was implanting itself in him again. His body tingled. The sensation was familiar. He wanted it to be over with. No. No, he didn't. He knew what would happen when it did. He could _feel_ his memories fading. He wanted to grip onto them and never let them go. He closed his eyes. He did not want Danarius to be the last thing he thought of.

"_It's a book. Don't you know what a book is?"_

_Fenris scowled at Lily. "Of course I know what a book it," he snapped at her. She lifted an eyebrow at him. If she only knew how one look could set him off in so many ways. He saw the mage as fragile. He thought he would only hurt her but her manner around him was just… he couldn't get enough of her._

"_Is it the content then? I thought that you would like to read about him. Don't you know who Shartan is? He helped Andraste-"_

"_I know who he is," he interrupted her. His rudeness was on key. Oh, he hoped she wasn't going to be mad at him. He felt his cheeks flush. Truth be told, he was embarrassed. He brought up a hand and scratched the back of his neck. "In Tevinter, slaves are not permitted to learn things like reading or writing. I've never learned."_

"_It's not too late to learn," she said. She had sounded so sure. He wondered what it was like to have that confidence._

"_Isn't it? Sometimes I wonder."_

_Lily gave him a small smile as she touched his arm. "I'll teach you," she told him. He was surprised at her offer but had gladly taken it. _

"_I don't know what to say."_

"_Well, you can say thank you for starters." She stood on the tips of her toes and kissed his cheek. It was in that moment he felt the first inkling of hope. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. _

"_I don't mean to sound ungrateful," he told her, "I do appreciate the thought. I've always wanted to learn more of Shartan. So…thank you." He returned her gesture from earlier and his lips brushed against the soft skin of her cheek. _

Fenris opened his eyes. He could hear his name. A soft groan escaped him. "How do you feel, my pet? I was starting to think you weren't going to wake up. That would have ruined my investment…"

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Three days…What do you remember?"

Fenris shook his head as he thought about it. "Nothing…" He looked at the man who spoke to him. "Who are you?"

"I am your master, Danarius," the older man told him. He leaned in and kissed the top of his head. "Welcome back."

* * *

><p>Three days.<p>

Lily started to think that the trip was in vain. They weren't going to find him. They weren't going to find a way to get into that damned place. She adjusted the hood over her head as she looked around. It was her and Varrics' turn to scout the area for any way inside. She imagined their Circle Tower to be filled with magical traps with blood lined walls and darkness around every corner. Her imagination dared to run away with her. Her eyes flickered over to Varric who was schmoozed his way through the market. Her feet kept her going in one direction but it was her mind that didn't allow her to pay attention as she smacked right into someone. Great. That was the attention that they needed.

She started to apologize when she got a good look at who she had run into. The world seemed to pause around her. Her heart stopped and then rose to her throat. She let out a choking sob as she stared. "Fenris," she gasped. His silver haired wisped around his eyes as he turned his head to look at her. Hope had taken over. Was it really him? She reached out to touch him but he moved away. Her eyebrows furrowed together. "What's the matter?"

"I do not know you," he told her, "My master would not appreciate another touching his property. I'm sparing you, mage, but do not hesitate to think that I won't retaliate in my master's honor next time." What? Was he joking? Was this an act? Her lower lip quivered slightly.

"Fenris, you…you don't know who I am?"

"That is what I just said, is it not?" His voice was cold, almost cruel. She looked around to see if Danarius was around. No. He truly let his pet wander around by himself? Lily cringed at the thought. She reached out to touch him and he slapped her. "I'm warning you." She brought up a hand and touched the side of her face. Her cheek stung from the hit but she told herself she wouldn't cry. She couldn't cry.

"It's me," she started, "It's Lily."

"I do not know a Lily."

He really had no idea about who she was. She was crushed. She was… a lot of things that she knew she could adequately describe. There was no adjective in the world that fit for how she was feeling. How could she help him get his memories back? Could she even accomplish such a feat? "I'm sorry," she heard Varric's voice, "My master isn't feeling very well today. She mistook you for someone else." Coarse hands grabbed her elbows and pulled her back slightly.

"Your mistress needs to learn the value of property," Fenris told him. Lily turned to look at Varric as he nodded.

"I'm sorry," Lily found herself saying, "I thought you were someone else." He looked amused for a moment.

"Do you know a lot of men named Fenris?" He asked. There was a twinkle in his eye that was unmistakable. His personality was still intact but there was no way of her being able to tell what all Danarius had done to him.

She shook her head. "Only one."

He gave her a confused look. Yes, that was an emotion that they could share at that moment. Lily would have given anything to know what he was thinking in that moment. She wanted to tell him that she loved him but it wouldn't do the situation any good. "I bid you good day, mistress," he said as he dipped his head, "I apologize for what took place but you must learn our ways if you are to live here."

"I understand," she replied and watched him go.

"I don't know what's going on, Lils," Varric started, "but I don't like it."

"Neither do I."

"Watch out, someone's coming," he warned. Lilys' hands itched toward her staff as the hooded figure who had made its way to them revealed who it was. The woman was elderly. The years had not been so kind. She was dressed in robes that she had never seen before but as Lily stared at the woman, she caught glimpse of her eyes. They were the gentlest eyes that she had ever seen on a person. Her grey hair clung to her skin as they studied each other for a moment.

"I don't know what you're playing at, child, but it is a dangerous game you are stepping into," the older woman warned her, "You would do best to keep that in mind."

"That's what I keep telling her," Varric added.

"I was watching you," the woman continued, "Did you know that man?" Lily felt her lower lip quiver again. She was going to cry.

"Yes," she whispered.

"It's ok, child," the older woman cooed her, "Come, let us go somewhere private…away from prying eyes, lest we know who is watching." Lily was too stunned to say anything more to her. Was she offering her help? Not once had seen someone issue such kindness in the city since she had been there.

"How do we know we can trust you?" Varric asked for her.

"You are Ferelden, are you not?" The woman asked Lily. She looked at the dwarf. "I cannot place your accent but I am Ferelden as well."

"I'm from Lothering," Lily replied, "But my home is in Kirkwall." There was something that was just so…_trusting_ about the woman.

"My name is Wynne," she finally introduced herself, "You can trust me, child. Now will we go somewhere private where we can talk?" Wynne's eyes narrowed at her for a moment and then looked at Varric again.

"Lead the way, my lady," he said with a small smirk and she did.

"Varric," Lily whispered, "What are we doing?"

"I don't know, but we don't have much choice, do we?"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** _Thank you for putting the stories on your favorites and alerts. Thanks to everyone for reviewing! I believe I responded to them? Lol I'm going to try to respond to all of them from now on. If I don't, I'm so forgetful so don't hold it against me. Yes! It's Wynne! For those who doesn't know what she's doing in Tevinter you should wiki it! Or not. You could just read and see. Hope you enjoy!_

"Heavy in Your Arms"

_Take another chance  
>To find a distant sanity<br>And turn your pain in truth  
>Take another chance<br>To fight a different enemy  
>And try to free it<em>

_-"Daylight Dancer" by Lacuna Coil_

She wasn't sure what she was doing. Why did she trust a stranger? Why did she think this woman could help her? She was a mage. That was why. If she was a mage, maybe she had access to the Circle Tower. If she had that access that she had hoped for, then maybe she would agree to help her in to save the one person she lived her life for. Lily opened the door and expected to be yelled at by her brother for bringing someone to their little place. They were going to be found out. That was what he'd say. He'd make comment about what a piss poor rescuer she was and blah, blah, blah, frankly she didn't want to hear it. So you could imagine her surprise when she was met with silence and the only sight of Isabela waiting for her. "Where is everyone?" Lily asked when she walked back into the small space they had been staying at. Isabela stared up at her lazy from where she was sitting.

"Off," she replied, "Anders and Merrill are looking for a way inside that damned Circle Tower. Carver and Big Girl went to look for some food." She sat up a bit. "Why? What's wrong?" Nothing was wrong, yet. Lily just didn't know how to explain that to her friend, just like she didn't know how to explain that she was about to let someone in on what they were trying to do there in Tevinter. Call her crazy. Call her desperate. She didn't care. She put on her best smile in hopes to give a less of a shock to her news.

"We have company," she told her and Isabela shot up an eyebrow. It looked like curiosity had had its peak with the pirate queen and Lily stepped aside to let her see who it was.

"Well, there is a face that I did not expect to see," Wynne said as she spotted Isabela. The Rivaini pursed her lips and Lils was interested to find out there story between the two of them. They seemed to be an unlikely pair to meet. Maker, Isabela did get around.

"Right back at you," Isabela replied, "Obviously you ran into our little ring leader here." Her hand waved in the air towards Lily. She crossed her arms in front of her body. "You just like popping up in the oddest places, don't you?"

Lily shook her head. "Do I even want to know?"

"Isabela and I met in a brothel in Denerim where she…coerced two of my companions to join her on her ship," Wynne answered. Oh. Well. That sounded like Isabela.

The pirate snorted. "You did well enough to discourage them but they went anyways," she added, "and look at them now. King and Queen. Imagine that." She tilted her head to the side. "But that's not why you're here, is it?"

"No," their visitor told them. Wynne looked at Lily. "I saw what happened in the market and I wanted to know what was going on with you and the elf. I noticed… I noticed the look you gave him. I've seen it plenty of times before to know that it's the look of a person in love. Yet he didn't seem to know who you are." Lily sighed. She didn't know how to retell the story to where it would make sense. It still didn't make sense to her.

"Varric," she started, "this is your thing."

"Glad to help," the dwarf said before he told her how they met Fenris, his story that included the lyrium markings, and up to the point where Varric had found Lily on the floor of the home that she had shared with the elf. Wynne had stayed quiet the entire time as she listened.

"He made a deal to come here to save me," Lily finally said, "He told me once that the pain from the lyrium infusion made him forget his memories… I believe it's happened again to him."

"Do you think you'd be able to get his memories back?" Wynne asked.

"I don't know," she replied honestly, "But I have to try."

"I don't support slavery," the silver haired woman told her, "But this could… ruin the research I've been doing here. I don't know if I can help you like I thought I could." Lily recognized regret on her face. Isabela scoffed.

"Then why did you come?"

Lily interjected before the other woman had anything to say, "Please. You may be my only chance. Even if your part is small, anything… anything can help. I just need to get in that tower."

"Do you know who his master is?"

"A man named Danarius."

Wynne shook her head. "Maker's Breath this just keeps getting better and better," she said in disbelief, "Do you know who he is in this country? In this city?" Lily didn't care. "He's next in line to lead the Circle here! You take away his slave…do you know what that can do?"

"I'm willing to risk it," Lily said. Her jaw set in a sort of defiance that she hadn't felt in a long time. "I'm not leaving without Fenris." No one said anything for minutes. The silence had been agonizing. "Please. No one deserves what he's gone through."

"I can get you in," Wynne told her, "But that's all I can do. I'm sorry." Lily sighed.

"That's all I ask."

Wynne stepped closer to her and reached a hand out to touch her hair. "He's seen your appearance, so we're going to have to change it," she said, "Nothing too drastic. Your man…will need some way to recognize you." The older woman offered her a small smile.

"Ooooh," Isabela cooed, "That is something that I am _very_ good at. Leave it to me, Lils. You'll be so brand _spanking_ new I'm not sure Carver will even recognize you."

"May I ask why you've agreed to help?"

"I once scolded a girl for ignoring her duty in the name of love," the mage replied, "She proved me wrong when I told her the love came second. She is a good woman and I can see you're a good woman. I would not let something like that slip away for a person when I have the power to help."

"And how do you propose you get her in there?" Isabela piped up.

"I will say that you are my apprentice," Wynne said as she looked at Lily, "If your friend here is truly as good as she says, then Danarius will not recognize you."

"Oh," Varric started, obviously amused, "She's that good and more."

"Why," Isabela purred, "your unwavering confidence amazes even me." She swayed her hips over to Lily. "Come on," she said, "We've got some drastic changes for you, girl."

* * *

><p>"Calm down, Junior!"<p>

Carvers' sword was already drawn. The tip of the blade pointed to Wynne's neck but she made no move to attack. His blue eyes narrowed at her. "Who are you and what are you doing here?" He asked. He was not going to put up with another interference that could possibly keep them longer in Tevinter than he had originally thought.

"Stop pointing that thing at me and maybe we can talk," she replied calmly. Anders placed a hand on the youngest Hawkes' arm.

"We kind of know this one," he replied. Carver raised an eyebrow. "What? Well, at least I do. She's not a danger. Not to us, I mean."

"My," Wynne began as she brought up a hand to rub her temples, "Life does have surprises around every corner. I didn't think I'd ever see you again, boy." Her hand dropped back to her side.

Anders nodded a bit. "And I you," he replied, "What are you doing here in Tevinter?"

"I've been helping a friend learn how to regain her mortality," she told him, "though I thought you were with the Wardens."

Anders smirked slightly. "Seems that we can leave," he said, "Just ask the King and Queen."

"This might play better than I thought," she said, "She did not say she traveled in the company of two other mages." She looked at Carver. "You look just like her." Wynnes' eyes narrowed. "Wait…I know you."

"Great," he groaned, "Another one recognizes me."

She shook her head. "No, no," she began to explain herself, "I didn't see it before but I knew your father. You look just like him, son." Carver seemed to be caught off guard. "He was a good man. What became of him?"

He sighed and finally lowered his sword. "He's dead." Aveline finally urged them all into the room and closed the door behind them.

"I'm sorry to hear about that," Wynne apologized.

"It was a long time ago." He looked around. "Where's my sister?"

"I have the answer to that, love," Isabela's voice carried through the room and she poked her head around the corner from the bathing area. He didn't know if he liked the smirk that had taken over her lovely features. He had seen it before and had known her well enough to know that it meant trouble.

He opened his mouth to question her and that's when he saw it. His sister's blond hair was now as pitch black as his own. Maker was that a…? "You gave her a piercing?" He asked. His face twisted in confusion. He didn't know what to say. It was enough to make Lily want to giggle, and she did despite herself.

Isabela narrowed her eyes at him. "What about them?" She asked, "I have several." She winked at him. "I think she looks like a whole new person."

"That's one way of putting it," Carver commented.

Lily rolled her eyes. "It's fake and in my nose. It's really not that big of a deal. Besides…last time I checked I was the older one." She didn't understand what he was getting at but she didn't care. "Listen to me, brother," she started, "I… I'm going to be going into the Circle as Wynne's apprentice. It'll get me closer to finding Fenris. I don't know what will happen to me while I'm in there. You have to promise me that if anything bad happens, you will leave." She looked at the rest of them. "All of you promise that."

"Hawke," Aveline started but Lily held up her hand. She wasn't going to hear any protest.

"Promise me." The red head looked stunned but nodded. Lily looked at the rest and they all agreed…except for Carver. "Brother?"

"I can't," he told her. He looked like he was battling an inner struggle. She lifted up her hands and ruffled the tips of his black hair. "I can't leave you behind." Lily gave him a small smile.

"You can," she said, "Kirkwall will needs its Champion." That was what she liked to tell herself. She still needed her brother but she wouldn't put that pressure on him. She couldn't and she knew that she had to face the possibility of things not going according to plan. She wanted to apologize for bringing all of them and having them stay behind but a little voice inside of her head told her that they were going to stay no matter what she tried to tell them. After all, wasn't that what friends were for?

"And what of my sister? Won't she need her brother?"

It was then she finally hugged him. "You've always been strong," she told him, "It'll be ok. I promise." Lily sighed and pulled back. He gave her a small smile and nodded.

"You're taking Merrill and Anders with," he said quickly.

"What?" The other two mages asked.

"It's a good idea," Wynne started, "That way she won't be completely alone."

"Well if it has to be anyone, it'll be me," Anders replied gruffly, "Maker knows if it's Merrill she'll blow the whole thing." Lily had to admit that he was ready to go in there with her. She glanced at Wynne and the older woman nodded.

"Hey!" The Dalish woman protested. He turned his head to glance at her.

"No offense," he offered but she shook her head and looked away.

The three made preparations to leave. As they headed to the door, Lily paused and looked back at Varric, Isabela, Merrill, Aveline, and Carver. "Maker watch over you," she told them.

"We'll find a way in," her brother insisted, "You won't be alone. Not anymore."

**A/N:** _Ugh._ _I'm not completely satisfied with this chapter. I feel like it's a filler or transition for the next one which will be longer and have Fenris in it!_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** _Thank you for all the alerts! Reviews are love. As I promised, here is Fenris. Enjoy. :) Thank you to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ for being a beta of epical proportions. _

"Heavy in Your Arms"

_When you look back on times we had  
>I hope you smile<br>And know that through the good and through the bad  
>I was on your side when nobody could hold us down<br>We claimed the brightest star  
>And we, we came so far<br>And no they won't forget_

_-"Whenever You Remember" by Carrie Underwood_

He didn't know what bothered him so much. Was it that she was so sure that she knew him? Or was it the fact that he couldn't stop thinking about her? The mysterious woman… Lily had been her name. He knew that he couldn't speak of it to anyone. He wouldn't dare. Danarius would punish him for even speaking to someone. Or worse… he would give him to Hadriana. Fenris felt himself flinch at the thought. He wanted to call himself a coward. Why couldn't he just run away? Where would he go? He closed his eyes as he swayed on his feet. Where were these feelings even coming from? They didn't start until he saw _her_. She wasn't from Tevinter. He had gathered that much. Perhaps it was her accent that gave her away.

Why was he even worried about it? About her? Fenris open his eyes and smiled at his master as he approached. He went down on one knee and bowed his head. "Master," he greeted him. Danarius brushed his fingers against his silver hair and the elf looked up at him. He seemed…worried? It was such a strange thing to see on his master. "Is there anything I can do for you?" That had been the proper question. Yes. Cater to his needs…Fenris knew this game because it was one he learned quickly.

"Come to me, my wolf," the mage said as he outstretched his arms. He did as he was commanded. Danarius's hardened fingers trailed along his skin and traced his lyrium markings. He winced in pain, partly because it hurt and mostly because he knew the physical infliction of it upon him gave his master pleasure. "Do you wish to bear my burden?" He asked lightly but didn't wait for an answer. "I knew it was folly to allow that Ferelden mage into the Arcanist Hall. She promised she was alone, and what does she do? Now she has two apprentices! She's up to something. I just know it."

Fenris didn't know what his master wanted him to say. "What would you have me do?" He asked.

"I don't know yet, my pet. They'll come before the magisters today. I wish you to be there. Then I will let you know."

The elf nodded. "As you wish." Danarius smiled.

"Good boy."

Before Fenris could say anything, Hadriana arrived. He bowed in her presence. The smirk that befell her features was enough to make ones skin curdle. "Master, I have news of the two mages that are to be presented today," she said. Danarius still held Fenris in his arms when he made a motion for the woman to continue. "One is an Orlesian runaway from their Circle and the other claims to be a Fereldan Chasind man. I do not trust them."

Danarius laughed. "What is trust in this city, my dear?" He asked. "Fenris." The elf looked up. "I know now what I want you to do. You may choose one of these mages. I want you to get to know them and report back to me everything you find out, do you understand?"

"Yes, master."

"You put the task into this slave's hands?" Hadriana asked and did not bother to mask her fury. "After everything that he has done? Do you remember the last time he was with a mage that-"

"You will be wise to curb your tongue, woman," Danarius spoke up. His voice had become so flat, so deadpanned, that Fenris had barely recognized it. "You will not speak of it again, do you understand me?" There was…something that his master wasn't telling him. His gut told him something was off or rather… _misplaced._

Hadriana had fallen to her knees. She dipped her head. "Yes, master," she replied. Even the magisters did not hesitate to put their kind in their place. Fenris had realized that and smugly thought Hadriana deserved worse for defying their master.

"Good. Now we can forget this unpleasant experience and just move on," he said and moved Fenris slightly away from him. "Do put on that marvelous armor, will you?" He nodded. "That's my little wolf. Now go."

* * *

><p>He knew her face.<p>

As she spoke in an Orlesian accent, Fenris couldn't help but think that something was off. He recognized her face but she looked completely different. Dark hair flowed around her face and bright blue eyes stared up at…him? No. She was looking at Danarius. Why would she look at a measly slave? "My name is Adelaide," she introduced herself, "I hail from Jader, but spent most of my life in Montsimmard." She bowed slightly. "I wish to come to the tower and study the way of the Dreamers."

"Such a bold goal," Magister Ahriman exclaimed, "commendable and useful if you can achieve it, young one. You interest me, a great deal." Fenris watched as Danarius straightened. "And what of your friend? What was your name again, boy?"

"Lucas," the male replied, "I am a Chasind from Ferelden's Korcari Wilds. My mistress has asked me to come to finish the tales of the Witches of the Wilds." He ran his hands through his dirty blond hair. _He certainly dressed like a Chasind_, Fenris thought. He had seen drawings of them. They were dressed in robes such as himself, only this Lucas had a darker coat with black feathers that framed his upper body. He looked like he had gone days without shaving. Fenris had heard that the Chasind people of Ferelden liked to have a barbarian appearance. At least…that was what Danarius said when he tried to educate him of the mages around the market last time they were there.

"Indeed," Danarius commented, "We have heard of the Witch and rumors of her magic. Very little is known. What can you contribute?"

"I've met the Witch."

Whispers erupted around the magisters. "You are welcome to study here," they all agreed as Danarius spoke. The most influential magisters were always the most vocal. "For now… until we _discover _your talents, we will wait and see where you'll truly belong in the Imperium." Fenris remembered his master's request of him as he watched the new apprentices walk away with their mage mentor. The woman, he could not recall her name, but he heard Hadriana talk of her, had been offered the position of magister but had turned it down. Why she had, he didn't know.

"Fenris?"

"Yes, master?" He looked down at Danarius, who he stood next to. His master snaked his arm around his waist and Fenris leaned in against the chair,

"Have you chosen which one, yet?" Had he? His eyes flickered to the retreating figure of the dark haired woman. Yes. He had chosen. He nodded in response. "Very well," Danarius continued, "Go. Report back to me tonight. Use force if you have to. Do not hesitate to kill as well." He understood. He would not fail. He was sure of it.

"Yes, master."

Danarius dismissed him and Fenris was off. He didn't look back. He didn't want him to think that he doubted the decision. His curiosity had peaked. He was to follow her but not be noticed. He was sure that he could do that. The dark halls of the Circle Tower were lined with candles that gave him a dimly lit view. Flames flickered and he thought he had almost lost her to the darkness. His master would not be pleased. They drifted towards the library. He had been positive of that. He rounded the corner when a light flame spell hit his chest. "That was just a warning shot," the mage told him, "I do not wish to damage property that is not mine." The candle light made her soft white skin almost seemed lighter…ghostly. Her eyes were as blue as the sky. He knew those eyes.

"You are not Orlesian." It had been a simple statement.

"What?" She asked. The word had left her mouth in a hasty response.

"Your name is not Adelaide either, correct?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about," she replied. Oh, she was good but he was better. He would not disappoint his master…but something tugged at him, as if it wanted his attention, as if it _needed_ his attention. His conscious was aware of something that he was not. The way she fidgeted under his gaze. Her breathing hitched as her body stiffened. It was like she was being backed into a metaphorical corner.

"Do not toy with me, mage. I know your face." Did she think that he was a fool? He knew that he could have sounded more pleasant for the conversation but his instinctual forcefulness had taken over.

She drew in a quick breath. "Do you?" She asked quietly.

"I saw you in the market the other day," he said.

"How do you know that it was me?"

"I could not forget those eyes… your hair is darker now, why?"

"Fenris…" She warned. He couldn't help but smile.

"Lily," he said. Her frightened features seemed to soften. There was an emotion there that he did not know. Was that…hope?

"I have some enemies about," she told him. She should not have. The trust she held in him was misplaced. "I wish to remain as Adelaide. I do not want to leave until I've gotten what I came for." She looked away from him. "I beg you not to say a word."

The internal conflict he felt kept him confused and he couldn't find a more appropriate word for it. "I…" He didn't know what to say. It was wrong. He should tell his master and yet, he found himself at the mercy of those eyes. "Your secret is safe with me." _Maker forbid_, he thought.

"Thank you," she said.

"Where is your slave?"

He watched as Lily made a face. "My what?" She asked, shocked that he would even say such a thing. "Oh!" She brought a hand to her forehead and sighed. "He's…" What? "In my home for now. I do not take him everywhere with me." He was disappointed that she was just like all the other mages that he knew in that aspect. He silently scolded himself. He should not care what the woman did with her life and who she did it with. He turned his head to look over his shoulder. It was a habit that he had recently picked up. "Expecting company?" He looked at her.

"What?" He coughed. "I…uh… no."

"And where is your…master?" She seemed to cringe at the word. "Has he become so bold to let you walk freely?"

He tilted his head to the side for a moment. She was daring. "You say what's on your mind, I'll give you that," he said.

"That's not the first time you've told me that."

"I thought you had mistaken me for someone else in the market…" He realized that he was at ease with her. His body had taken a natural reaction to her presence. Did she really know him? He knew he couldn't remember anything recently and he only knew what Danarius had told him. His master wouldn't lie to him…would he? "But that's not true, is it?"

"Not entirely true," she admitted. He watched as her eyebrows furrowed together. "You cannot tell your master. Please. It's crucial. I promise to tell you everything in time." She gave him a small smile. She asked so much of him. Fenris sighed.

"I will do my best." That was all that he could offer.

"I'd expect no less." She smiled at him and nodded slightly before she turned away. Did she mean to go? Fenris found himself not wanting her to. She was dangerous but he hadn't decided to whom. He watched as Lily moved around the library. His feet followed her. She brought up a hand and feathered her finger tips along the spines of the books. "Maker," she breathed, "There are so many." He was intrigued at the way amusement laced her voice.

"Did they not have books in your Circle Tower?" He asked.

She turned her head to look at him but kept moving. A smirk played across her features. He knew he was going to find out another truth from her. "I was never in a Circle Tower," she replied. She had the manner of a Circle mage, but also didn't at the same time. Though somehow, that was the answer he had expected. How was it that he could catch on so quickly and the magisters could not?

"Not even in Montsimmard?"

"I'm actually Fereldan," she replied, "I learned my magic from my father." She stopped and turned to him. "But that's enough questions for now." Lily bit her lower lip. "I do not wish you to go against your masters orders." Oh, how little she knew. She hesitated. Maker, tell him that she wasn't a mind reader. "I should go." He did not want her to. She took a step closer to him. Her boldness was commendable, especially after what he had done to her. "Will I see you again?"

"That is my hope," he replied. She nodded again and he watched as her shoulders slumped. Was she upset? Did he do something wrong? He didn't think she would inform his master since he knew so much about her. "I…must apologize for the other day. I was out of line."

"You were only doing what you were taught to do, Fenris," she said, "There is nothing wrong with that." She was too kind and would not make it as a magister if she stayed that way. What could he say to that? She opened her mouth to say something, but they were interrupted.

"There you are!" Fenris turned to see her friend… Lucas, head their way. He wrinkled his nose. There was something off with that mage. The air around him had an additional essence that wanted to be seen. His lyrium markings were sensitive to the power. It caused a shiver to roll down his spine but he dared not show it. The man looked at him and nodded slightly. "Wynne is ready to leave. Are you?"

Lily didn't look at her friend but at him. "I am," she answered quietly, "Goodnight to you." He watched her walk away with Lucas. Fenris crossed his arms in front of his body and sighed. He thought of what Hadriana had said earlier that day about what he had done with another mage. With the connection that he felt to the woman…could it have been her? No. Danarius would have recognized her, wouldn't he? Perhaps he could ask. It was a simple request. He couldn't get in trouble since it was Hadriana that had brought it up. He made up his mind. He would ask in the morning.

He looked down and whispered to the dark, "Goodnight."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** _Thank you for all the alerts! Reviews are love. Thank you to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ for being awesome. More Fenris! Because we can't get enough of the brooding elf. Oh, and there's a little um…man beating. I torture the poor boy. I'm sorry. No gore! Just mild man beating. –cough- Don't hate me. I'm sorry this took so long! I've been battling a 12 page paper and I fear I lost. lol_

"Heavy in Your Arms"

_Leaving my fear on the danger line  
>Suffering a man should never know<br>Leaving my faith on the danger line  
>I know what you're thinking<br>I've been there before_

_-"Danger Line" by Avenged Sevenfold_

Fenris wasn't a fan of the darkness. He made his way back to his room. Danarius wanted them to stay outside of the Circle Tower that night. He looked around as the dancing shadows swayed across the wooden floor. The pale moon offered little light. Wind blew against the windows and offered the only noise in the home. Something was…_off._ His eyes narrowed slightly as he searched for any clue to where his master was. He heard movement behind him and whirled around to find himself face to face with his master. "Fenris," Danarius greeted him. His voice was low and tenuous. He did not like the look in his master's eyes. "Where have you been?"

"I was only doing what you asked of me master," he replied.

"And what is it that you found out?" It was hard to read his face. The darkness had clouded his features and Fenris couldn't help but feel that small grip of fear trickle down his spine in a cold rolling wave. _Stand your ground,_ he told himself, _you have done nothing wrong._

"Nothing of note," he found himself lying. Before he had time to react, a sharp force had hit his cheek. He did not see Danarius move, so how could it have been him? The darkness seemed to grow thicker. They were not alone.

"Liar," his master growled. How did he know?

"Master, I-"

"Enough!" Arms shot out from the shadows and gripped onto his arms. They tugged mercilessly. They pulled feverishly. Their tainted nails dug into his flesh. He would not cry out in pain. He dared not to. "Tell me what you know." Each word that had left the magister had been punctuated with a sharp hiss of breath. "It'd be such a waste to have to kill you, my pet, but believe me, I will." He did not know if he wanted to call his bluff.

"She's not a Circle mage," Fenris quickly told him. A sense of betrayal took over him. It was a curious feeling since he did not know her long. The look on her face when she begged him to not say anything was etched into his mind. There was just something so…raw in her pleading that guilt raked at him.

"So she is an apostate," Danarius noted as he knelt down before his slave, "It is a curious thing that she would come here. I think there must be something more behind what is going on." He cupped Fenris's chin with his fingers and made the elf look at him. "What else do you know?"

He saw her eyes. He saw her face. He saw the way she looked at him, but most of all he realized what she made him feel… like a man. "Nothing," he lied but this time, it seemed that his master believed him.

"Very well," the magister said and the demons let go of him, "I'm sorry, my pet. Now. You've done a good job, you may be rewarded." He smiled. "What is it that you would like?"

"An answer to a question," Fenris answered quietly.

He watched Danarius stiffen. It was his offer after all. "What is it?"

"I've been wondering about Hadriana's comment. What was she talking about that I did the last time I was with a mage? I do not recall these events."

"You do not recall them because I say so," he snarled and the demons grabbed a hold of Fenris again. "A slave does not question their master."

"I'm sorry master," Fenris began, "I should not have questioned you."

Danarius nodded. "You're right," he said, "You shouldn't have." He couldn't move. The demons had a tight grip on him again. The mage balled his fist and hit Fenris in the face. Ice slowly crawled up his body to hold him in place. The demons let go but he knew they were lingering, waiting for their master's command. He deserved the punishment. Fenris tried to move but his efforts were futile. The force of a thick wooden staff hit his cheek. Pain exploded and he saw stars. His face was bruised and the bones in his face were close to breaking.

Over and over again, Fenris took each blow until he felt his skin split. His own anger started to rise. With every fiber of strength in him, he shattered the ice around him. Danarius brought his staff bearing down and he caught it with his hand, which caused the wood to split. "Don't do that again," Fenris said. Shock was written on his masters features and he decided to take advantage. His instincts told him to run. He flung the broken staff at the magister and various spells were sent his way. Fenris turned to run for the window. Escape had been his goal. He would deal with Danarius when he was properly prepared. The demons caught him and without a sword, he couldn't take all of them.

"You're still very bold, my little wolf," the magister said, "these other pets will teach you a lesson."

All they could do was claw at his skin. He fought against them until Danarius called them off to leave him in a beaten mess. His master didn't dare to ruin his skin to the point where his markings were permanently damaged. No, the mage was smarter than that. Fenris lay on his back when the demons disappeared. It was the only position in which his body didn't hurt. All wounds healed with time, and his were no different. That night…he didn't sleep.

* * *

><p>"Progress, Anders!" Lily exclaimed as they entered the room where the rest of their group had been. "Progress! I know… I <em>know<em> he recognizes me, some part of him does." She clapped her hands together and a smile spread across her features as she saw Carver. The look of surprise on his face had also sent her reeling sky high. He hadn't expected to hear from her so soon, let alone see her in person.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in the Tower with Wynne?" He asked. She threw her arms around her brother and wasn't able to contain her excitement. How could she? She felt like they had been able to connect in that small time in the library. However the slightest connection, it still gave her a sliver of hope.

"She's getting ahead of herself," Anders told him, "We can't stay here long. She just wanted to see you." He waved his hand in the air. "Share the good news and all." His sarcasm was lost on her, and it was mostly because she didn't want to hear it.

Lily pulled back as Carver gave her an amused look. "So much for leaving you behind if something bad happened, all is well, I take it?" Lily wanted to scream. She wanted to shout. Maker, she wanted to celebrate. She smiled at the youngest Hawke. If only he understood… Her eyes went to Isabela and she thought that maybe he actually did understand how she felt.

"I feel like I can get through to him, Carver," she told her brother, "But it'll take time."

"If he even remembers at all," Anders added.

Lily turned her head to glare at him. Couldn't he just be happy for her? "Anders," his name left her in a flat, dull tone.

Her 'friend' shook his head. "I'm just trying to be realistic, Lily," he said, "I think that you've got to face the possibility that Fenris might not remember." Maker's Breath, that was something that she realized but it was also something that she didn't want to face, that she didn't want to think about.

"It's admirable for her to try," Carver jumped in. Lily looked up at her brother and he gave her a small smile. She hadn't expected him to say that to her. Where was the Carver that she was used to; the annoying little bugger that always questioned her? She wasn't ungrateful for his backing. He had just surprised her.

"Thank you," she said to him.

"I was just saying, that's all," Anders said.

"You should get going," Carver told her, "You'll be sure to raise suspicion being away from Wynne for too long." She didn't want to leave just yet. He placed his hands on her shoulders. "You can do this, sister." His confidence in her meant more than she could say. Maybe it was because it was never there when they were growing up. Maybe it was because he was allowed to shine in his light without having to worry about her. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know the truth behind the change but as his older sister, she was willing to accept it. She nodded to him.

"I'll try to stay close," she said, "I'll see you when I can, brother."

She and Anders started to leave when Carver spoke up again, "Anders." The other mage turned to face the Champion with a questioning look. "Do not question my sister again and do not shoot her down when she believes in this so much. Andraste be my witness, if it were you, you'd believe the same." Anders closed the door behind them and Lily looked at him. One eyebrow cocked upwards.

"What did he mean by that?" She asked.

Anders wouldn't meet her eyes. Her eyebrows furrowed together in concern. She and Anders had gotten along for the most part during their time knowing each other. She had never understood why he and Fenris were usually at each other's throats. Well, she understood why Fenris had such animosity, though that hatred hadn't caused a wedge in their relationship. He had always told her that she showed him a side of mages he had trouble believing existed. Lily had told Anders that all he needed to do was prove Fenris wrong, but he had always seemed disinterested. "Nothing," he replied, "Don't worry about, okay? Let's just get back to the Tower." He wrinkled his nose. "Lest our secret be found out."

* * *

><p>Lily had been terrified, for a lack of a better word. It was a feeling that had become normal for her in Minrathous. She was worried about Fenris because she hadn't seen him a two days. Had something happened to him? Had they been discovered? Had… Her thoughts finally faded when the Maker answered her prayers. Silver hair caught her attention and her breath hitched in her throat. The gleam of the lyrium tattoos was unmistakable. As he weaved through the bookshelves in the library of the Circle Tower, people tried to not pay him attention. Was it because of the markings? Or was it out of fear of Danarius? …Or fear of Fenris? Had he known she was there? It was where she spent most of her time as she played the role of 'Adelaide' and surely he knew that. Lily closed the book in her hands and placed it back on the shelf. She found her feet were slowly following Fenris's footsteps. He led her to the darkest part of the library. Her instincts told her to be cautious, but her heart screamed to reach out and touch him.<p>

"There's far enough," he said. His voice seemed strained. It was enough to cause her stomach to lurch. Something was wrong.

"What's the matter?" She asked. Lily glanced around to make sure it was just the two of them. She hadn't paid attention when Fenris turned to face her, but when her eyes focused on him she couldn't help the small gasp that escaped her. She brought a hand up to her mouth. Dark bruises fought against the lyrium in his skin for attention. The ugly darkness tainted his lovely features. There had been scratches that lined the sides of his face and trailed down his neck. What had happened to him? Did he do that to himself? No. He wouldn't. The Fenris she knew would have never done such a thing to himself. _Then again he isn't the Fenris you know,_ a little voice told her. No. She wasn't going to listen. "Oh Fenris," she breathed out.

"It is nothing." It was a typical answer from him. It would have caused her joy to hear the words part from his lips but she was horrified. Her heart broke for him. She lifted up a hand and rested gentle fingers against his cheekbone.

"Please," she started, "Allow me to heal it."

He caught her wrist in a blink of an eye and shook his head. "Don't," he told her, "He'll know." He… _Danarius._ She almost hissed his name. The magister was a viper. He was vile and needed to be dealt with. She could imagine the scolding that Anders would have given her in that moment but she didn't care. She was going to_ kill_ the bastard.

She shook her head. "I don't care if he finds out," she told him. Her voice had held so much resolve, it was difficult to keep it in a whisper tone. "I can't… I can't bear to look at you like this." His thumb brushed against the palm of her hand and he nudged his cheek gently in her hands embrace.

"I don't know what it is about you," he spoke softly, "but I feel as if I've known you all of my life." She wanted to tell him that he wasn't far off. "I'm taken by you and it's strange for me. My master says that I have always been loyal to him but I find that isn't the case." Was that what happened? "I had no idea of the notion of loyalty until you."

"Fenris…"

"I can't remember anything past three weeks ago," he said, "Please…tell me. Did we know each other?" His eyes pleaded to her and she was powerless to deny his request.

"Yes," she whispered. Fenris stared at her and nodded slowly.

"I'm afraid I have betrayed your trust," he told her, "I told Danarius you weren't a Circle mage." Lily's eyes widened. Why would he do that? She opened her mouth to ask but it dawned on her. Maybe he didn't have a choice.

"Is that why your face is like that?" She asked and he nodded in response. "I'm so sorry," she had managed to choke out the words as a sob formed and stayed in her throat like a sickeningly large lump. "I should have known he'd find out eventually." Her eyes fell to the ground. "I don't want to put you in danger…"

He gently placed two fingers under her chin and lifted her head for her to look at him. Fenris placed a small kiss on the palm of her hand. "I only ask for your forgiveness for telling him."

Lily bit her lower lip. "You don't need to ask."

Fenris managed a small smile. Yes. Progress had been made, but at what cost? "Was there something between us before?" She had been a little caught off guard by his question and she nodded slowly. "They say as a slave, you shouldn't get attached to anyone… The pain the markings give me warrant that I should stay away, but I can't. I just can't."

"I fear that if I tell you, it will just influence you," Lily replied, "I want you to be able to make your own decision about us." _If there was going to be an us,_ a little voice popped up again. She silenced it quickly.

"It seems like a stretch for a slave," he admitted.

"You weren't always a slave."

"Will you tell me about it?" Was he just going to tell Danarius? She wanted to kick herself.

"You were an equal to any man that you encountered," she told him, "Proud. You never let anyone tell you what to do. You commanded attention in a way that I had never seen before." She gave him a sad smile. "You were the most stubborn man I had ever met." She could feel her heartbeat start to pick up and pound against her chest as if it were about to explode. They held each other's gaze and she wanted to melt against him. "You never wanted to be back here."

"Did you love me?" Her chest tightened and she felt like she was shrinking against his gaze. This was worse than him asking if there had been something between them.

"Why do you ask?"

"I wonder if you would have been here if you didn't."

Yes, she wanted to scream. She loved him. She wanted him to come to that realization on his own… but would he? She was going to tell him. The only thing that she could hope for was that he wouldn't be influenced in his decisions. Free will was what made you who you are and she couldn't take that away from him. Not like Danarius had. "More than anything," she whispered.

"Then why did you allow me to come back to this wretched place?" He let go of her hand and it dropped to her side. The anger in his voice was recognizable. It had been the same anger he held when he first spoke of Danarius to her.

"It was your choice," she told him. That wasn't going to go over well. "You did it to save me."

"And look where we are now." Did he not realize that she had come to save him? Did he not realize that she just wanted to help? He brought a hand up and rubbed his temples with his forefinger and thumb. "I do not wish to deal with this right now." She watched as his face crumbled and he did his best to mask it. "I…" She reached out and touched his arm. He shrugged her hand away. "Do not comfort me." He looked like he wanted to say something else but the words were lost to him. She watched him turn and leave but this time, her feet did not make her follow.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** _Thank you for all the alerts! Reviews are love. Thank you to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ for being the awesomest of awesome. Uuuuh, __**smut warning**__? Lol There's alternating POV in this chapter._

"Heavy in Your Arms"

_There's a fire starting in my heart  
>Reaching a fever pitch, and it's bringing me out the dark<br>Finally I can see you crystal clear  
>Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your shit bare<br>See how I'll leave with every piece of you  
>Don't underestimate the things that I will do<em>

_-"Rolling In The Deep" by Adele_

Fenris knew his place. He stood very still as the two took their time with him. Hadriana pinched his lyrium marks and a wicked laugh followed. He couldn't cry out in pain. No, that was a part of her game. His jaw tightened and he ignored Danarius's wandering fingers. "It seems that your pet is not in the mood tonight," the witch told her master. Fingers ran through his hair and traced circles along his shoulder blades. The sensation sent a cold chill down his spine. He wasn't sure if it was magic or an instinctual reaction that had been buried deep within him.

"It is alright," Danarius said, "he will learn eventually to love me again. I can be a patient man." Hadriana let out another laugh before she ran her tongue along a lyrium line on his inner thigh. "I think that I've had enough for tonight." He pulled back from Fenris and his apprentice. "You may have your fun, but leave him breathing." She didn't move until he had left the room. Fenris cursed the Maker for being left alone with _her._

Her fingers raked against his skin and Fenris blocked out what was happening. His body numbed from a mixture of pain and pleasure. All of which was followed by shame. It was natural for a man to react in such a way to certain touches, but it was not her face that he saw. No. It was someone else's.

"_You're leaving?" He had been surprised by the hurt and attachment that had been in his voice. He stood in the doorway of the new Hawke Estate as he watched Lily pack her bags. They had just gotten back from the Deep Roads when Carver asked her to let him be the new scion of the family. He wanted out of her shadow and she readily obliged. The relationship between brother and sister was never one Fenris was going to understand. He watched as she stood up straight. Her fingers curled against her honey colored hair but her back was still to him. _

"_Are you trying to stop me?" She asked. Was that a challenge? Fenris raised an eyebrow at her as she turned to face him. Ever the valiant older sibling, she was ready to give her younger brother everything and had expected nothing in return. Well, he could give her something… "So help me if one of them is putting you up to this." Why? Could his word sway her decision? He doubted it but the temptation was there to try._

"_No," he answered carefully, "I…wish to come with you." He smiled when it was her turn to be surprised. He didn't smile often. In fact, he couldn't remember ever smiling before she had come into his life. _

"_And what?" She asked, "You want to come with me when you have such a glorious mansion at your disposal?" She pursed her lips together as he took a step in her direction. It was her act of challenging him and he welcomed it. _

"_What do you think?"_

"_I wouldn't want you to give up your life here."_

"_Mercenary work is hardly a life," he told her. He could have left at any time, but he knew those eyes would haunt him if he did. _

"_Fenris…"_

"_I would not see you go alone," he told her. He lifted a hand and touched the side of her face. It was strange. He had never expected to find her when he came to Kirkwall. They said that the Maker worked in mysterious ways and in that moment, he couldn't help but agree. _

"_Well," she said with a smile forming on her lips, "Who could resist such an offer?" _

A small gasp left his lips. He had blocked Hadriana's actions from his memory enough to not realize when they made it to a bed. She mistook the sound for encouragement. Black hair brushed against his face. It wasn't right. Fenris pressed his lips into thin white lines as she dug her nails into him. A name rolled to the tip of his tongue and it was a name that he knew he shouldn't say aloud in Hadriana's presence. The mage finished her business and his green eyes flickered to her shallow face to see the sickening look of satisfaction. "You're just as I remembered," she told him.

Did she want him to say something? No. Satisfaction still rode her as she got up from the bed. He looked away as she gathered her things. Silence was the best that he could offer her. The memory that had come to him wasn't one that he knew. What had he remembered? Was that a time before that Danarius had refused to talk about? His eyebrows furrowed together as the questions formed in his mind. Or had his 'memory' been one that he conjured up just to cope with his current situation? The answer didn't matter. He just knew he had to see her.

* * *

><p>Lily sat in her room and leaned back against the head of the bed she had been sleeping in for the past few days. It smelled like a mixture of old books and dust. She sucked in a sharp breath as she thought of her last encounter with Fenris. She felt like she had been so close to having him, the Fenris that she knew and loved, in her grasp, and then he just slipped through her fingers. No matter how many times she had tried to grab him, he just seemed untouchable. Was it her fault? Lily bit her lower lip. She wished that she had the answer. The door to her room opened and she saw a wisp of blond hair. Anders. She gave him a small smile. "Anders," she greeted him.<p>

He returned a hint of a smile, but his was comparable to a _very_ thin line. "I was just coming to check on you," he told her and closed the door behind him. He didn't need to do that, though she couldn't help but wonder if Carver had put him up to this. "Any news of the elf?"

"He has a name, you know," she said with a weary look.

Anders let out a small snort of a laugh. "I know," he replied as he took a few steps closer to her. She ran her hands through her hair nervously as she watched him.

She had only known him for five months before the Deep Roads expedition, but whenever she went to Kirkwall, she had visited him to see how he was. She never understood why he and Fenris never got along. Carver said to give it time, but maybe it was because he knew her inner enthusiast needed to hear it. "What is with you two anyways?" She asked and briefly wondered if she was going to regret doing so. "You never even called each other by your names."

"It's not like he remembers my name anyhow."

"Anders!" She scowled at him. That was not what she wanted to hear from him. What else could she do? Scold him? She wasn't the mage's mother, nor was it her place to do it anyways. "Just go. You came and checked on me. As you can see I am fine."

"I'm sorry," Anders said as he frowned at her, "I just-"

"What's in your hands?" She asked curiously at the small bag. The frown that had been on his face had slowly turned into a sheepish smile.

"I brought you food," he told her, "I noticed that you didn't eat much earlier." How could she have after a meeting like that with Fenris? _Do not comfort me,_ repeated in her head several times throughout the entire day. She had to appreciate the thought, especially since her stomach had growled at the word 'food.'

"Thank you," she said as he handed her the bag. She opened it to see several different pieces of fruit and some bread. She wondered if he had gone through the trouble of finding the kitchen and snatching the food before anyone noticed. Her fingers curled into the soft cloth and picked out a grape. She popped it in her mouth and glanced at Anders. He could be so nice one minute and insufferable another.

"Wynne wants to know when you'll come see her again," he said.

Ah, the older mage had been such a great help and Lily knew she owed her a lot. They spent too much time apart to make a convincing master and apprentice pair, but no one had questioned it, at least no one to her knowledge. "Tomorrow," she replied, "She wanted to introduce us to her friend that she came here with." Anders nodded.

"Shale," he said, "Such an odd name, isn't it?" Lily shrugged one shoulder. Nothing surprised her anymore. She pulled out a piece of bread from the bag and popped it into her mouth. Silence had fallen between them and she didn't know what to do. On one hand, she wanted to make conversation, but on the other, she wanted him to stop talking and just go.

"How do you like it here?" She asked finally.

"It's…different," he replied, "I've been looking through various books during the day. This Circle is nothing like the one in Ferelden." That was because the worry of Templar cruelty wasn't on the minds of a mage-ruled nation. "It's been an overall pleasant experience considering…" Considering why they were there.

"You didn't have to come, you know," she said.

"Yes I did," he responded coolly. Anders ran his hand down his face and let out a soft groan. "I keep trying to tell you my reasoning, but every time I try, it comes out in a fumbling mess."

"Don't," she warned him, "Don't say anything." She didn't want to hear it. "We're friends." Her heart belonged to someone else. "I love Fenris."

"How long will it be until you realize that love is just a memory?" His voice was soft, as if it was supposed to soften the blow of his words. Lily didn't reply and Anders took that as a signal for him to leave. He closed the door behind him softly and she looked towards the single window in her room. She sighed heavily and picked another grape out of the bag of food. Her mind drifted off to what in the Maker's name Fenris could be doing.

* * *

><p>"Do you wish me to follow him, master?" Danarius looked at his apprentice and shook his head 'no.' He watched as his pet left the estate and headed in the direction of the Circle Tower. Fenris tried to keep to the shadows. It was a commendable effort, but it was his markings that betrayed him. "What would you have me do?" Hadriana asked.<p>

"Go to Kirkwall," he told her, without turning his head from the window, "and find out if the Champion and his sister have left the city recently." He thought that something had been familiar about that girl, and there had to be a reason why Fenris was going back to his rebellious stage after being so obedient. Maybe it had been his fault for wanting the slave to find out the truth about the new apprentices. His hands balled into tight fists. This would be the last time he defied him.

"Yes, master." _Such a good girl,_ Danarius thought. He turned to look at her as she bowed in his direction. Fenris would taste his freedom and then he would take it all away from him again. If his suspicions proved to be true, he would make sure he didn't allow her to live again.

* * *

><p>The light knocking at her door surprised her. Lily got up from the bed to open the door. She paused and turned back to her bed to grab her staff. Carver said that she was too careless at times. Now was not the moment to prove her younger brother right. Her first thought had been Anders. Had he come back? She didn't dare say his name in case she was wrong. She slowly opened the door and was surprised to find Fenris there. "What are you doing here?" She asked and he gave her a small smile.<p>

"I've been thinking about you," he told her, "in fact, I have been unable to do anything else." She had heard the line before. Her chest tightened and she bit down on her lower lip to squash any quivering movement. If only he knew. "May I come in?" He looked a little disheveled and worry lines creased around his eyes. She stepped aside, unsure of what to say and made a motion for him to move past her. Once he did, she closed the door behind him and leaned against it as she placed her staff against the wall.

"Is something wrong?" She asked carefully. Considering how they had last parted, she didn't know what to think about the surprise visit. She didn't want to throw accusations because, well, Maker she was glad to see him.

"Everything," he replied and she moved past him to sit on the bed. Lily patted the spot next to her for him to sit. "I wish to tell you something." She raised an eyebrow at him. Ok. She could handle it.

"What is it?"

"I…" It seemed like he didn't know where to go. "I remembered something today. I think." Her heart soared. It seemed that even when Danarius tried to wipe Fenris's memory, he still came out. He was a fighter and that was what she loved about him.

"Fenris, that's wonderful!" She exclaimed and clapped her hands together. "How did it happen?" Though as she thought about it, the only time he said he remembered anything was… and the accompanying look told her everything. "Oh," she said. What else could she have said?

"It didn't mean anything. I only did because I had to." Well, that didn't help.

"Don't explain yourself," she told him and then went digging in her bag of food. Maker, she needed to keep busy.

"Is that…food?" Lily paused at the question and looked up at him.

"Yes," she answered, "…when was the last time you ate?"

"Hadriana took away my food the past few days," he replied lowly. Her heart broke for him and she shoved the rest of the food at him. "I couldn't…"

"Take it," she told him.

"Is that an order?"

Lily shook her head. "Maker, no," she replied with a small smile, "It's a request." Fenris looked at her for a moment in disbelief that she would say such a thing to him. "Please." Then he looked like no one had ever asked him that before. He took the bag and started to pick at the food. Now he was just trying to be polite. She stood up from the bed and let him have at it as she moved to the window.

The moon hung high in the air. The streets of Minrathous were littered with moving bodies, even at this hour the city managed to stay as noisy as it was during the day. She looked in the direction that she knew Carver and the others would be. She wondered if they were still around, if they were ok, anything. Once she knew she had redeveloped a relationship with Fenris, she would suggest him leaving with her. Would he do it? That remained to be seen, but it was her plan to try. She looked back at Fenris who finished the fruits and she watched him sigh. She couldn't have imagined what he was feeling. Part of her wished that they had taken Isabela's offer to use her ship, but then again, she had known that they needed to look like refugees, and having their own ship would not have made it convincing. She looked back to the city's horizon when she heard movement behind her.

"I have one more thing to ask of you." Lily only had to turn her head to see Fenris hovering rather closely to her.

"Anything," she said. He brought up a hand and cupped the side of her face before he lifted her chin to kiss her. Oh Andraste, she had waited for that moment since she saw him. His lips were as soft as she remembered. His silver hair brushed against her skin and she shut her eyes tightly, not wanting to it to end. Lily wrapped her arms around his body and pulled him closer to her. She didn't want the night to end.

* * *

><p>He wanted to know how her lips felt against his. The odd familiarity was unsettling but thrilling. She held him close and before he realized what was happening, he led her to the bed. His hands moved to slip off the robes she had been wearing. They were simple, and not in a Tevinter fashion that he realized some of the mages wore, but he liked that about her. She didn't fit into the Imperium, yet he felt like she belonged with him. Possibilities started to form in his head, but he pushed out the thoughts to concentrate on the task at hand. They both fumbled to rid him of his armor before they landed on the bed in a tangled mess. She didn't feel like Hadriana. No, her body fit with his and…his own couldn't help but have an animalistic, instinctual reaction to her. Saying that it was natural was an understatement. His lips trailed away from her mouth and down the nape of her neck.<p>

Fenris took in her scent and the way she smelled was a credit to her name. He wanted to remember every moment. He didn't want to lose the memory in the unbearable pain that would surely come later. Soft moans escaped her. It wasn't like the sickening sounds that came from Hadriana or the grunts that came from Danarius. It was sensual and so _agonizing_. He didn't want the foreplay that his master usually wanted. No, he just wanted her. His mouth explored. His hands stroked and gripped sensitive areas. She squirmed underneath of him and he muffled the sounds coming from her with his mouth. Her hands found his hair and she gripped the strands tugging slightly before her nails trailed along his scalp. She was careful of his marks, which had surprised him.

…had they done this before?

Her wetness called to him and he soon answered. His fullness entered her and she thrust her hips against him. He started a slow rhythm as one hand trailed up to hers and he took one away from his hair to lace their fingers together. She moaned his name and he smiled. She sounded like she needed him, wanted him, and didn't want to live without him. Was this a glimpse of what freedom could give him? If Danarius found out, it'd be the end of them. The urge to protect her was there, but he had only just tested his bravery against the magister. How far could he push the boundaries?

He was brought out of his thoughts as her legs wrapped around his body and he felt her tighten around him. They had time, at least until the morning came. He wanted the feelings he was experiencing to last.

"_You are going nowhere slave." Fenris turned around to face the man speaking to him. His body flashed blue and he ran his hand through the man's chest. His fingers gripped around his beating heart and he ripped it out. He tossed the heart aside like it was trash to be dealt with. _

"_I am not a slave," he replied. The conviction in his voice was convincing. He had been a free man. He turned to see the people who witnessed it all. Lily, a man that looked like Lily, the dwarf that he had seen in the market with her, and the man that called himself Lucas had all been staring at him. "I apologize," he continued, "When I asked Anso to provide a distraction for the hunters, I had no idea they'd be so numerous."_

"_You obviously haven't met the Hawke siblings," the dwarf told him._

_Lily shrugged. "It's not like we haven't dealt with slavers," she said. Fenris found himself looking at the woman in a new light. "Though I take it that these men were looking for you."_

_He sighed. "Correct," he told her, "My name is Fenris."_

"_Lily." Such manners._

"_They were seeking lost property of a Tevinter magister…namely myself. They were trying to lure me into the open and as crude as their methods were, I could not face them alone," he said, "Thankfully Anso chose wisely."_

"_I'm happy to help, if they were really trying to capture you. I would see no man in the hands of a slaver," she said._

"_Neither of us would," the one that looked like her piped up, "You didn't need to lie to get our help."_

"_That remains to be seen," Fenris said and then knelt by the cooling body of the man he had torn the heart out from. Danarius's crest was on his belt. He looked up at Lily. "I know…you have questions." How wouldn't? "But my former master has accompanied them and I need to get him before he escapes." He paused. "And I need your help."_

"_I'll help you."_

He thought about the time Lily had first come into his life. Danarius had lied to him about his past and she had told him the truth. She rested comfortably against him as he winced in pain. "I love you," she whispered. He wondered how many slaves would have died to hear those words from another person. She didn't deserve to be tied down to a slave. She was the only thing magical that didn't seem wrong and she had no idea how badly he wanted to say it back but he just…couldn't.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** _Thank you for all the alerts! Reviews are love. Thank you to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ for being my spectacular beta. Thank you to her, Normanee, and Brelaina for reviewing! Even though the latter hasn't gotten caught up yet I still heart you so. ;) Thank you to megglesnake for putting this on her alerts!_

"Heavy in Your Arms"

_How do I live without the ones I love?  
>Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned<br>Place and time always on my mind  
>I have so much to say but you're so far away<em>

_-"So Far Away" by Avenged Sevenfold_

The little alcove in the outskirts of the city that Wynne had taken them to was peaceful. They were removed from the noise of the city, yet not too far. It was the perfect place to be away from any prying eyes.

Lily wasn't the type to rush to judgment on a person simply based on a name. So when she heard the name Shale, nothing in particular sprung to mind. Instead, there was a cloud of mystery surrounding the figure that left her intrigued. But as she came face to face with the golem, there was only one thing that she could say. "Oh… my… Maker."

"My sentiments exactly," Anders agreed. Lily looked at him and knew that she must have looked like a fool with her mouth slightly agape. "When she said Shale, I didn't expect this," he added. She looked up at the golem in front of them. Small red crystals ran around the shoulders of the stone creature. The brilliant colors trailed down the golem's arms to meet a row of blue crystals. Lily wondered what they were for. Maybe she would find out soon enough.

"What's wrong, Shale?" Wynne asked. What happened when a very large golem tired of questions? Of certain looks? Of…well…anything. Could someone tell if a golem was annoyed? Could they make facial expressions? Oh, the questions that came to her. She had only heard of golems through reading and from her father. Malcolm Hawke had tried to explain the magic involved to her and Bethany once before, but they had only thought it to be idle fantasies, especially Lily, until the oldest Hawke spotted them in the Deep Roads.

"It's staring at me," the golem spoke. Oops, well she was caught. The dark haired woman wanted to reach out and touch it. Was it a she or a he? She glanced at Wynne who had a hand over her mouth as she let out a small laugh. "It should be warned to stop." It? Was the thing talking about her?

"Oh," Lily began, "I'm so sorry."

"Manners in such a place," Shale sounded shocked and Anders chuckled beside her. "It would not be so quick to laugh if it knew I could squish its head with my pinky." Lily had to hold in her laughter. She had never met a golem before and to be honest, she hadn't expected one to have such spirit.

"Oh?" Anders asked, "You have pinkies?"

Lily nudged the other mage. "Can I ask you a question?" She asked Shale. She had one in particular that she was curious about. She followed the golem's glance to the older mage and Wynne nodded. "What brings you to Tevinter?"

"I wish to acquire a sense of my own mortality. I do not wish to live forever, but to live as I was meant to out of this body," Shale responded. Lily had been struck by a sense of awe as she listened to the golem's words. "Since my control rod no longer works, I wish to live like any other." It was an admirable goal. If anyone could help her, it'd be the magisters. Maker, they were probably fascinated with her.

"I wish you good luck then, Shale," Lily told her. The golem stared at her for a moment and she wondered if she had said anything wrong.

"It looks like your manners haven't earned you any favorable position with it," Anders commented and the older Hawke shushed him.

"May I ask it a question as well?"

Lily placed a hand over her chest. "Me?"

"That is what I said."

She felt a smile form on her lips. Oh, how the golem reminded her of a certain elf. "Well, ask me anything," she said.

"Do you really think that is wise?" Anders asked. Why not? Lily didn't see the harm in it. It was only fair after all, since Shale had answered her question and she had come to trust Wynne. She was really getting tired of Anders always questioning her. She wondered if mentioning it to her brother would make it stop. She sighed slightly. She wouldn't do that to the other mage, no matter how often she wanted to.

"What brought you to the Imperium?" Lily was slightly nervous at Shale's question. Maybe Anders had been right to warn her, but she still trusted the woman that helped her into the Tower. That was what mattered, wasn't it?

"Love," she decided to answer. Was it that simple? She thought so.

* * *

><p>Lily bit into the apple and watched as Anders and Shale interacted with each other. She was almost afraid that their personalities would clash again and Shale would make good on her promise of popping his head. He kept out of arm's reach and the look on his face was priceless. It was like he was amused and frightened at the same time. She was unsure of how anyone could manage both simultaneously, but Anders had mastered the look. She glanced to her side at Wynne and the older woman gave her a small smile.<p>

"How are you doing?" She asked.

Lily sighed, and of course, thought about Fenris, the night that they had shared and how he had kept his distance since. Was it for her benefit? Had Danarius caught on? There were so many possibilities. It seemed that whenever she felt like she was getting through to him, something happened to drive them apart. "I'm here," she told her. It was the best answer that she could give. She was feeling neither good nor bad. She just wanted anything about Fenris that she could get. "I worry about Fenris constantly. I miss my brother…"

Wynne smiled at her. "I thought that you might. That is why I invited him here." Lily wanted to ask what she was talking about, and then whirled around to see Carver heading their way. Her brother wore a cloak to mask his features, but she knew it was him.

"Carver!" She called and went to her brother. "What are you doing here?"

"I was invited, what else?" He countered, removing the hood of his cloak from his head. Was it just her imagination, or did he look older than the last time that she had seen him? She chewed on her lower lip as she watched him. She could see the lines of worry creased around his eyes. Guilt hit her. Part of her felt like she wasn't fulfilling her sisterly duties and that she had failed her promise to their father to watch over their family. "How are you holding up?"

Lily made a face. She wished that people would stop asking her that. "I'll be better when we can leave," she replied. She hesitated for a moment. She didn't know whether or not she should update him on Fenris. She really didn't want to face an 'I told you so' or another 'maybe it's time to give up.' "How are you?" She asked in a low voice.

"Better now," Carver told her. His admittance surprised her.

"What about everyone else?"

"Isabela is ready to leave. Merrill is worried. Aveline is starting to get antsy and Varric is doing his best to keep everyone safe," he replied. Varric? Being the sane one? Lily almost laughed. "But that's not the reason why I am here." Oh? "I came with news…" Lily felt her eyebrows crease together for a moment.

"News?"

"Things are getting a little unstable in Kirkwall, sister," he explained, "the citizens are…unhappy that I'm not there to help out, and believe me, Meredith and Orsino are not making it any easier."

If she hadn't given in to what he had asked those years ago, she was sure that she would be the one dealing with the templar versus mage situation. Lily wouldn't want to be in his position. "Does that mean that you have to go back?" She asked quietly. Sometimes she wondered if she really was the older sibling. She basically clung to her brother for his support and possible protection if she had to fight any of the magisters. Maker, she'd take the whole city to the Void if she had to.

"I told you that I wouldn't abandon you," the younger Hawke insisted, "and I meant it." Lily just wanted to hug her brother. He had grown so much from the young boy who wanted to be the center of attention and complained that he was always in her shadow. She reached up a hand and touched her brother's shoulder.

"I know I said that I didn't think it would take so long, but ever since he…" Carver made a face.

"I don't want to know what you two have been doing."

Lily rolled her eyes. "What I was going to say," she continued, "was that I haven't seen him in a few days. I thought I had gotten to him but he just…withdrew." Carver studied her for a moment and sighed.

"I'm sorry," he said, "but have you considered that you may not be able to get through to him?" It was like Anders's lecture all over again.

"I refuse to believe that."

"And will you put your life on hold if you're wrong?"

* * *

><p>Fenris rubbed his palms together. The clamminess of his skin was unusual. Danarius had kept him by his side and whenever the elf itched to get away, the magister threatened him with endless torture possibilities. He rubbed the back of his neck as his master talked with the other magisters. He was supposed to be intimidating. He shot natural glares at those who looked his way. He didn't want to be there. He wanted to find <em>her<em>. He wanted to apologize for his distance. He was still…well, any less of a man probably would admit it, but he was still scared of the fact that she would come to harm thanks to his actions or his inactions.

The fact that Hadriana was gone had put him even more on the edge. Something was wrong. Danarius acted like himself; like he didn't even notice his apprentice's absence. Dare Fenris conclude that he was even acting more confident than usual? Had the man caught on to what happened between him and Lily? Had he found out the truth?

"Fenris."

The elf turned his head to Danarius. "Yes, master?" He inwardly cringed. It was wrong. Just being there was wrong. Even with his memory gone, his body knew. He had to get out of this place.

"Collect these from the market," he handed him a list, "do not take long." Fenris nodded and left the room for the streets of Minrathous.

It was nice to be able to have the freedom, to a certain extent, to roam, though he knew he was not allowed to leave the city. He was close to the market when he noticed a familiar dwarf. Wasn't he Lily's slave? Wait…she said that he wasn't. Fenris slowly made his way over to the dwarf. "Where is she?" The question blurted out of his mouth faster than he had thought about it.

The dwarf jumped. "Andraste's tits, elf," he groaned, "Where is who?"

"Lily."

"Oh," he scratched the back of his neck, "I haven't seen her, but I know someone who has. You'll have to wait for him to get back to find out."

He couldn't wait that long. "Meet me here before dark and then take me to him." The dwarf nodded and then he walked away. Fenris had it in his mind to tell Lily to leave before it was too late, to forget about him, and to live the life that she would have without him. It was just a matter of if he could convince himself that it was the best thing to do. He gathered what his master wanted and went back to Danarius's estate.

When twilight came, Fenris managed to sneak out of the estate while his master was in another meeting. He repeated his points over and over inside of his mind. He knew what he wanted to say and how he wanted to say it. He resolved to keep to the plan, but by the time he met the dwarf (he couldn't remember his name) his resolve had started to falter. He cursed himself. "Didn't think you would show," the other said to him. Fenris shook his head. Neither did he. "Follow me." When they reached the small nook of an inn, the very person he was looking for walked out. Her bright blue eyes widened and the dwarf at his side let out an awkward cough. "I'll just leave you two alone."

"Fenris," Lily started, "what are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," he replied, slowly.

"Is anything wrong?" She asked, "I haven't seen you since that night…" She averted her gaze and he knew that he had no business demanding that she look at him. Maybe it would be better for him if she didn't. He'd only be brave enough to say what he needed if those eyes weren't looking at him.

"I…" Could he do it? Could he tell her what he had planned to? "I think you should leave the city. Go back to where you came from."

**A/N:** _I'm sorry it's so short. :( I'll make up for it next chapter._


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** _Thank you for all the alerts! Reviews are love. Thank you to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ for being my beta. Thank you to her, alaskantiger and Brelaina for reviewing! I hope this chapter makes up for the last failed one. –cough- So, there's only a few more chapters left. –hides from oncoming flying objects-_

"Heavy in Your Arms"

_Don't know what to do my baby  
>It's not alright<br>This can't be the end  
>The time to say good bye<em>

_-"In Love And Lonely" by HIM_

Lily stared at Fenris. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. The fact that he could say it with a straight face and no emotion shouldn't have been shocking to her, but it was. "No," she refused to believe his words. They weren't his. They must have been Danarius's. "You don't mean it." She was unconvinced. It was Danarius's doing and she knew it. Their cover had been blown and she needed to get Fenris out of there as quickly as she could. "This is his idea, isn't it?"

Fenris looked confused for a moment and then shook his head. He couldn't even look her in the eyes. "No," he replied, "this is my idea." Lily hugged herself. Why was he doing this? She frowned at him as her eyebrows creased together. She could feel her heartbeat start to pick up as it pounded against her chest. Her cheeks flushed and her vision blurred. Anders was right. _No!_ She screamed at herself. He wasn't.

"You have no idea what's going on Fenris," she told him, "you think you do but…" Her voice trailed off as she felt her lower lip quiver. She didn't want to tell him everything at once, but it looked like she had no choice. "You escaped Danarius, Fenris. You ran away to Kirkwall where my brother and I helped you with slavers. We fell in love. You had a life and friends. Those friends are here to help you too. He found us. We lived in a small cottage outside of the city. You went back here willingly in exchange for my life like I told you before. I would never lie to you." She could only hope that he was listening to her, and really listening. She needed him to believe her. "You saved me and I came here to do the same. You don't deserve this. You don't deserve to live a life without memories or as someone's personal pet. You are a man. You don't belong to anyone."

A sickening silence fell between them and Lily wanted to do nothing more than turn to the side and lose everything she ate that day. This was not a part of the plan to get Fenris back. "I have no memory of this," he said quietly.

"It's your markings," Lily told him, "and the pain they cause you. Going through the ritual somehow erases your memories. Danarius is poison. You won't find peace with him and you'll forever be his slave." She needed to make a point, whether it was by using cold hard words or whatever method that would come to her mind, it still needed to be done. "I vowed I wouldn't leave without you."

"Then it is a vow that you need to break."

"Fenris… I love you. I can't do that." Come to think of it, he had never told her that. Not once. Had it all been one sided on her part? No. It couldn't have been. He wouldn't have left willingly with the magister if it had been that way.

He raised his chin slightly and looked away. "I could never love a mage," he replied, "you are all the same. Your words are the poison. Not my master. How do I know you don't just wish to have me as your own slave? How do I know that you don't use love as a tool to gain my trust, only to help yourself become a magister?"

Lily felt her shoulders slump in defeat. "You don't." It was the most honest answer she could give him. "I know you feel something. That night we had together. You remembered something, didn't you?" She took a step closer to him, only to watch him take a step back in return.

"Don't," he warned her.

"Or what?" She asked quietly. "Will you answer me?"

"No," he replied. Lily didn't know if that was the answer to her first question or second. Fenris shook his head. "I must go. Please…just listen to me and do what I ask." She watched him walk away. He whispered something, but she didn't quite catch it. She was tempted to call out to him, but her will wouldn't let her. Her pride was shot. His words had cut deep and she decided to give him time. She would win his heart again. Stubbornness was a family trait and it was something that she appreciated in that moment. Without it, she would have already been on a ship back to Kirkwall.

She sighed heavily and glanced back at the building she had left. She debated on going back inside to speak to Carver, but despite her better judgment, decided against it. She looked to find Fenris again. She couldn't end the conversation like that. She caught a glimpse of silver and decided to follow him. She blew out some air between her lips as her nerves started to get the best of her. The streets were dark and she had to step over some sleeping refugees. The distraction of trying not to step on anyone made her lose where she was going and most importantly, lose sight of the elf that she longed for.

Lily pressed her palms against her temples and let out a low groan. She was lost. She turned around to try to retrace her steps back to the inn, but instead came face to face with someone she hadn't expected. "You," she whispered. Damn it.

Hadriana smirked. "You didn't actually believe that your little charade would work, Hawke?" She asked. "You did have us fooled, but it was the elf's attention that gave you away." She made a 'tsk' noise. "I told master that his pet would remember again."

Lily pulled her staff into her hands. "Oh?" she asked. "Well then you know I didn't come here alone."

The magister laughed. "Looks like you're alone now."

Slavers jumped from the shadows. A mind blast erupted from Lily. She circled her staff above her head and struck the ground hard. Spirit energy blasted from the tip to her oncoming attackers. She only needed a brief moment to be able to run. What had she been thinking, going out on her own? She cast a fire spell around her. She didn't care. She'd burn anyone and anything in her way. Several men let out painful screams and Hadriana pulled a force field up around her. Coward.

A slaver pounced towards her and her staff connected with the side of his head. A stone fist spell sent him flying back. She dodged the sword of another, only for that sword to run through another slaver under Hadriana's command. She felt someone grip her hair and pull her backwards. A cold sensation prickled along her neckline. A sharp edge cut into her skin.

"What to do with you?" Hadriana whispered into her ear. "Should we kill you? Sell you off to another magister? Oh, I'm sure an Archon would love you as a pet. To break your spirit would be the ultimate goal. Just think of it! The sister of the Champion of Kirkwall a slave… it'll be a sure sign of the Imperium extending its hand into other countries."

"I'll kill you, bitch," Lily promised.

"Not if I kill you first." Her body stiffened for a brief moment before all of her muscles went limp. Blood magic. "Captain," the magister continued, "is there any way you wish to repay our guest?" The man took the knife from Hadriana. Panic hit her. What was he going to do? She tried to struggle, but she couldn't move. Lily closed her eyes. She didn't want to see what he had planned to do to her. A sharp pain seared through her abdomen.

"That's for my men," he told her.

"Oh," Hadriana started, "this is only the beginning of our fun."

* * *

><p>"Shit. Shit. Shit." Anders ran his hands through blonde hair as he watched the magister lead a group of men carrying Lily's body walk by. He moved to the corner to hide, away from the magister's eye. He needed to tell Carver. He needed to do something. Damn it. The sun had risen and the Champion would forgive him for waking him so early for this. Anders rolled his eyes. How could Fenris let this happen? He knew that the elf would only be trouble.<p>

"_I told you coming here would only end in ruin,"_ Justice told him.

"You're not helping either," he reminded him.

"_It was her choice."_

"So much for every mage counts." Anders sighed. He moved quickly to tell Wynne before he headed to Carver. Maybe she could stall whatever they were doing to give him time. She promised to aid and told him she would get help, but he needed to get Carver and the others. He nodded quickly as they both parted ways. He couldn't waste another moment. He moved quickly through the halls of the Circle Tower when he saw Fenris. He felt his hands curl into fists.

"_You don't have much time!"_ Justice screamed in his head.

"You!" He started. "What are they doing to her? This is your fault!"

The elf narrowed his eyes at him. "What are you talking about?" Anders could feel justice surge through him.

"You don't know?" He asked. "Go to your master and see!" Anders sneered at him before he pushed his way past. "If she dies, this is on you, Fenris. I only hope I can bring help back in time." He knew he would need the others for a final escape. He hoped his words motivated the elf to investigate what was going on. He broke into a sprint out of the Tower, uncaring who saw. He was on a time limit. Maker be damned if the fool couldn't remember enough to help save Lily's life.

* * *

><p>The mage stormed passed him, leaving Fenris in a state of confusion. He hesitated for a moment. Who was he talking about? A small pain hit his chest. His insides curled together. His conscious knew even though he didn't want to see it. He didn't want to admit it. If he wouldn't have gone to find her… "Lily," he whispered and headed to where he knew he would find Danarius. It only took him a few minutes to reach the room at the furthest corner of the third floor. He pushed the doors open the magister chamber where they all went during meetings. Slavers circled around the room. Fenris eyed them all carefully before his eyes settled on Hadriana as she hovered over a figure on the floor. Danarius looked up to see him.<p>

"Ah, my pet," he greeted him, "it is so nice of you to join us." Lily's eyes were closed and he wondered if she was dead. He tried his best not to show any emotion. He told her to leave before anything like this could happen. He knew it would. His jaw muscles tightened as he strained to remain silent. "I would like you to see the traitor in our midst." Danarius moved closer to him.

"What is it that you wish of me?" His voice threatened to falter.

"Oh," he said as he raised one finger, "there's one more interesting twist to this little story." He smiled. It was a rare sight, but when it did happen, the smile was cold enough to send a chill down the hardest man's spine. "Would you like to know?"

Fenris wanted to tell him no. He was found out. His master knew that he hadn't told him everything about Lily. "Yes," he replied, knowing that he had no other option.

"Adelaide is actually Lily Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall's sister," he said, "and she's come here to take her place as a magister." Fenris's eyebrows creased together. Was he merely playing on his fears or was he telling the truth? "She wants to take you away from me, my little wolf. She wants to cut the skin right off of your body and use it to make herself more powerful. Hadriana has caught her so we can bring her to justice. Would you like that?" The elf felt himself tremble. A part of him wanted to call him a liar. Lily would never. She said she loved him. Then there was another part of him that screamed that his master was telling him the truth. She was just another mage that wanted to use him.

He watched as Hadriana cut into Lily's pale skin with her sharp nail, yet the other woman made no motion to move. A small line of blood trickled from the wound and Danarius's apprentice wiped at it, only to stick the finger covered in blood in her mouth. She licked her lips and burned the wound shut.

"How do you know?" He whispered. Danarius raised an eyebrow.

"I've been in her dreams, Fenris," he told him. "I've seen her deepest desires." He turned to Hadriana. "Release her." She did what her master told him. Lily let out a long gasp and rolled over as she clutched her side. "Ask her yourself."

"Is it true?" Fenris asked her. His heart hurt. It was a curious feeling and one that he was sure that he had never experienced before. "Did you use me?"

Her mouth hung open for a moment. "I would never," she told him. "Fenris please, you have to believe me!"

"She plays on your emotions," Danarius whispered in his ear. "She's ever the little viper, isn't she?" Conflicted and torn, all he could do was stare at her. "She has another lover. The mage, Lucas, that she brought with her. We've seen him travel to and from her room. Did you really think that she could care about a slave?"

"That's not true!" Lily shrieked as Hadriana laughed. A knife appeared in her hand and she grabbed Hawke.

"I'll cut out your tongue," the magister told her. Lily scowled and pressed her hands to Hadriana's face. A sizzling sound hissed through the air. The stink of burning flesh clung to Fenris's nose. Yells erupted outside of the room and the doors burst open as Hadriana staggered back. A crossbow bolt flew in between him and his master only to meet its mark in the woman's throat. It seemed that time in the room had slowed. Hadriana blinked in surprise. She opened her mouth to speak, but only blood poured out of her lips. She started to choke and it sputtered out. Fenris couldn't help but feel a smug sense of satisfaction that the bitch finally got what she deserved. He was only sorry that it wasn't him who was able to help her meet her fate. She slumped to the ground and it was his master's voice that broke through the shocking silence.

"Men!" Danarius yelled. Rage filled his voice to strike fear into the warriors so that they would better fight the intruders. The slavers surged forward in a blink of an eye. Shades sprouted from the floor to join the battle. From Hadriana's corpse rose an Arcane Horror which rushed to meet the attackers as well. The dwarf from Lily's company, as well as the mage who had arrived with Lily, entered the room. A man that Fenris assumed was the Champion, and her sibling followed them in with a red haired woman. A battle ensued and he did not move. He would not unless ordered to.

Bodies fell to the ground. Heat gushed through the room as a firestorm swirled around Danarius's slavers. Shades disappeared from sight after being cut down. The Champion was a fierce fighter and Fenris could see that his eyes were set on only one person in the room. Lily. "Grab her," Danarius ordered him. Fenris nodded and went to the other mage. His gauntlets gripped onto her small frame and she made no struggle against him. His eyes searched those wondrous hues of blue.

Men tried to overpower the others and they almost did, but Lily's friends were ever vigilant. The dwarf dodged and rolled away from attacks. His crossbow aimed for the hearts of the slavers. The red haired woman bashed another's face in with her shield. The blonde mage's magic fought against Danarius, but it was his master's demons that managed to force the group into the submission of the slavers. "Lily!" The Champion yelled. It took four men to hold him still. Fenris looked at her again as a single tear rolled down Lily's face.

"Fenris," his master spoke to him, "kill her." His hesitation was apparent, but it was enough of a distraction for the next wave of intruders to attack through the hall. A scantily clad, dark skinned woman led the charge as a…was that a golem? The stone giant barreled through a group of men. It grabbed two slavers that held onto the Champion and she bashed their heads together. Their skulls caved in before she pulled them apart and the man was able to grab his sword again.

"_You escaped Danarius, Fenris. You ran away to Kirkwall where my brother and I helped you with slavers. We fell in love. You had a life and friends. Those friends are here to help you too."_

Her words echoed inside his head. Two more mages joined the fight, an older woman and an elf. Fenris needed time to think. He needed time to… It didn't matter. Shit. "I said kill her!" Danarius's voice commanded.

He looked into the eyes of the woman he held in his arms. She had made him feel so much in the short time he had known her. If what she said about them was true... "I'm sorry," he whispered and his hand surged through her chest.

"No!" It was a deafening cry. Emotions rolled into the Champion's voice. Fenris turned to look at him. His eyes were bloodshot and tears ran down his face. "No!" He screamed again. "How could you? She loved you! She's here because of you!" He made his way through the fight. After Fenris was done, he would gladly let the Champion kill him. He turned his head back to Lily. Instead of pain on her face she seemed calm. She even smiled at him. His master had made him do this to countless men, ever since he could remember. They had all writhed in pain, but she just smiled. Her eyes held no remorse and no pain, all he could see was peace.

Magic from Danarius lashed at Fenris to goad him into continuing his task. He winced in pain, but she did nothing. One hand reached up and touched the side of his face gently. That was when he realized that he could feel her heartbeat. It was slow and steady. It was comforting in a way… and familiar.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** _Thank you for all the alerts! Reviews are love. Thank you to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ for being my beta. Thank you to her, alaskantiger, aquaKBenten, jugalettepenner, normanee, Mouse019 and Brelaina for reviewing! This is the last story chapter, the one after this will be a sort of epilogue for you guys to give some sort of closure since I will NOT be writing the game and well you can guess what comes next. -cough- I MAY or MAY NOT be thinking of a sequel. ;)  
><em>

"Heavy in Your Arms"

_It's been a long time since I came around  
>Been a long time but I'm back in town<br>This time I'm not leaving without you _

_-"You And I" by Lady Gaga_

Chaos. The whole room was filled with it. Any man that wished for focus would find none. The only thing he heard clearly was the fateful cry of battle and the slow thrum of a heartbeat vibrating through his grasp and into his soul. "Stop!" The Champion's voice still rang through the air. His pleads were not lost on Fenris. He held Lily's heart in his hands and what he felt wasn't something that he had expected. He felt the whip of magic lashing out at him again. He was a slave disobeying his master's orders in a way, yet he didn't have the stomach to pull her heart out of her chest. He couldn't. The beat was still steady and never wavered.

"Fenris," she whispered his name and the memories flooded him. They whipped at him like magic. They were relentless. They showed a meaning that he could barely comprehend. They weren't ferocious but loving, tender, and his.

_"Don't do it," she told him, "You are a free man. You are not in his chains." He watched as a tear rolled down her cheek. "Please don't do this," she begged him. He felt his shoulders slump and he dropped his sword. Lily looked like she was ready to attack to defend him, but one of the men holding her hit the back of her neck with the hilt of his sword with such force that he knocked her out._

_"No!" He screamed._

_"Don't worry," Danarius started, "She will wake up soon enough, but we will be long gone…unless you wish it otherwise."_

_The elf whirled around to look at the mage. "I…" He was at a loss for words. "Very well. I will go but…" He looked back at Lily's body on the ground. "Do not harm her and I will not fight."_

_"Agreed."_

She hadn't lied to him. Danarius had been the liar. He winced in pain for a moment. He could remember the countless nights spent in each other's arms; how he would rest his head against her chest and listen to the very thing that he had in his hands. He quickly pulled his hand out of her... leaving her heart intact. She slumped slightly in his arms. Lily slowly stood on her on own, gaining her composure. "Forgive me," he pleaded, "please forgive me." He let go of her before whirling around to face a surprised Danarius. The corners of Fenris's lips turned up in a snarl. "You liar," he growled.

"Well, of course I am, Fenris," the magister said. "You are a slave. I have no obligation to tell you the truth. You, however, must do what I say. You are my property."

"I am no one's property!" He yelled and hurled himself at his master…his _former_ master.

Flames flew from Danarius's staff and Fenris was surprised to see that he remained unscathed. He watched as a soft pink hue enclosed him in a protective circle. He turned his head to look at Lily, whose hands were lifted. She was protecting him. He whirled around when her hands fell to her sides. The pink dissipated and his hands wrapped around the magister's neck. His fingers dug into the old man's skin until the frail layers gave way. His thumbs pressed against his larynx, suffocating him. The magister gasped for air. His eyes bulged from his skull and in one final act of desperation, his hands wrapped around Fenris's wrists as he tried to draw from the lyrium on his skin. Fenris pulled back and his hand plunged into Danarius's chest.

He found what he was been looking for. His fingers gripped the beating heart and he ripped it out of his chest. Danarius threw his head back with a last grunt of life before he collapsed on the ground. Fenris spit on his corpse and threw the heart onto the ground.

The bloodied mess thumped for several moments before finally slowing to its death. Fenris lifted his leg and brought his heel down onto the organ. The heart erupted in a mass a mush and blood. It was over. He was free.

"Fucking Maker's ass elf!" the dwarf groaned as he approached him. "I thought for sure you were going to kill her."

"Varric," Lily's brother called out to him, "help me with her." Fenris whirled around to see Lily slumped against the dark haired man.

She reached out for him and Fenris gladly took her into his arm. He buried his face in her dark hair. "I like it better blonde," he told her. A small laugh escaped the mage. It was good to hear that sound. He would never forgive himself for what he nearly did and would try to make it up to her.

"I'll see what I can do."

Fenris pulled back to look at her. Those deep blues glittered with tears that were being forced back. "I remembered," he told her, "when I felt your heart… I remembered."

Lily brought up a hand and touched the side of his face. Her palm caressed his cheek and she moved some snowy white hair out of his eyes. She opened her mouth, but it was her brother who spoke instead, "Well. Let's not do that again, shall we?"

"Carver," she groaned.

"I hate to break up the sweet moment," one of the companions started, "but we need to get out of here quickly before their Templars realize what happened." Or worse… the Archon caught wind. Fenris looked back at the dark skinned woman who spoke and an older woman came up to them.

"I have a feeling that after this, I won't be welcome here anymore," she said. What was her name? Wynne. Yes. Wynne, Fenris remembered. She had been the one that got Lily and her friend into the Circle.

"You are welcome in Kirkwall," Carver told her. The old woman smiled and with a nod, left them to gather the rest. It was obvious to Fenris that they had an escape plan. He just hoped that it would work.

"And what of me?" He asked quietly.

Lily and Carver exchanged glances and a smile crossed her beautiful features. "You'll be coming back with us to Kirkwall," she told him. Her fingers laced with his. "You'll be going home."

Home. It wasn't a word that he was accustomed to hearing, but he knew he would go anywhere she would take him.

* * *

><p>Every second had counted the moment that they left the Circle Tower. They all knew that they couldn't leave the same way that they had reached the country. That would have been impossible for a successful escape, but leave it to the pirate queen to have a plan.<p>

And Isabela had come through. As much as she disliked being in Tevinter, she still had some sort of strings that she could pull, which landed her on a very stolen, but very fast ship. Merrill and Anders were below deck with Shale and Wynne, while Varric, Isabela, Aveline and Carver manned the ship. Lily braced herself against the wooden sidings of the ship and closed her eyes. Even though the seas had been treacherous their first few days out, it was finally over and they were able to go back to Kirkwall. Anders had preached about mages being free in society, but after coming back from a country that was ruled by mages, she was unsure.

Even though she lived the life of an apostate, seeing what mages like Danarius and Hadriana would do… It sent shivers down her spine. It also made her more aware of what blood mages could do. Kirkwall was also a place ridden with blood mages. There had been trouble brewing between the mages and Templars when they left for Tevinter. Without their Champion, Lily wondered how Kirkwall had faired.

Was it selfish of her to tear her brother away from the task of protecting the city? She wasn't sure if it was entirely her doing. She glanced over her shoulder at Carver who was arguing with Isabela over Maker knew what. Deep inside, she felt like even if she hadn't asked, he would have been there for her.

Her eyes caught sight of a familiar wisp of white hair. She went over to the elf, who wrapped his arm around her as she came to his side. "Do you think the Archon will send anyone after us?" She asked.

After they left Danarius and Hadriana's bodies, Varric and Isabela's contacts had led them away from the Circle in a refugee route beneath the city. It was by sheer luck or by the will of the Maker that they had made it out. It was that, or the wrath of the golem on their side that gave them all their freedom from the place. Whichever the case, Lily had never felt so close to her friends and her brother. They were all a little family that looked out for each other. If their time in Minrathous didn't prove that, Lily wasn't sure what would. The fear of the Archon wanting revenge for his comrade had been etched in the back of Lily's mind no matter how hard she tried to push the thoughts out.

It wasn't the end, she was sure of that. If they weren't being followed now, someone would come later. She'd be ready to face them. They'd be ready to face them.

Fenris shook his head. "Most magisters are afraid to sail in Qunari waters," he told her.

"Most? Is it because of the war they have with them?" The elf nodded. If they were lucky, they wouldn't run into Qunari ships, but it wouldn't be the first time Isabela faced them.

"Your friend is very brave." That was the first time she had ever heard him pay the Rivaini a compliment. She knew better than to let it get to the pirate's ears, but even though she thought of the girl as a sister, Lily didn't know if she would exactly call what Isabela did…does… brave.

"She's very insane too, if you haven't noticed." A small smile graced his features and that was enough for Lily.

"Do similar personalities attract with you people?" He joked.

"I believe so," she replied with a smile. A solemn look took over. "You won't ever have to go back there," Lily tried to reassure him. Fenris turned his head slightly to look down at her.

"I know," he replied. "Thank you."

She didn't know if he should thank her yet. Not until they were back in Kirkwall.

* * *

><p>After reaching Kirkwall, Lily spent her time helping Fenris learn everything that he had forgotten after going through Danarius's ritual a second time. They stayed at the Hawke estate since their old home was no longer safe. Lily made promises to Fenris that they would see the world together and those were promises that he intended on making her keep. He learned his way around the city again. He learned how to read and to write.<p>

He learned what the man Anders did in Darktown. He helped Aveline train her guards. He was told why Merrill holed herself up in her Alienage home. He was taught diamondback by Varric, though Fenris still held it to his firm belief that the dwarf intentionally mislead him on some moves so that he would win. The woman, Wynne, took her place in the Circle Tower, helping the First Enchanter with all the different problems that went on with the Templars. The Knight-Captain had welcomed a familiar face in the increasingly troubled times. The golem, Shale, became a house guard for the Hawke estate because there had been several attempts on the Champion's life after he made it clear that his stance was against the Knight-Commander. After all of the evil that Fenris had seen in Tevinter, it was hard to stay in the position that he was, but it had been Lily that taught him that not all mages were inherently evil…even if she kept company with an idiot bloodmage and an even bigger idiot of an abomination. Carver went on with his business as Champion, trying to keep the peace in the city. It didn't help when his lover, the pirate Isabela, was kidnapped by extremists.

The life they lead was always filled with surprises, with a new one springing up every day.

He moved to the top of the stairs in the estate. The dwarf Bodhan stood idly to the side as Carver and Lily had a hushed argument over something about…he heard his name. He moved down the steps slowly until he could hear their voices.

"I think you should tell him," Carver said.

"Why?" Lily asked. "What difference would it make?"

"Well, wouldn't he like to know what he started? He acts like he expects slavers to turn up any moment for him. He should know."

"Do you think it will be good for him?"

"Do you?"

Lily let out a frustrated sigh. "Fine," she said and turned towards the stairs. The look of surprise on her face to find him there was oddly satisfying after knowing that he had been the subject of their conversation.

"What's going on?" He asked.

"After what happened in the Tevinter Circle, word's spread throughout the Imperium of a slave who defied his master and escaped," she told him. Her hands rested on her hips and she smiled softly at him. "What you did inspired other slaves to rise up and fight for their freedom." Dare he say that the events sounded familiar? It wouldn't have been the first time an elven slave and a human woman had sparked a slave uprising in Tevinter history.

Fenris shook his head. "I did nothing," he replied. "The others did the real battle." He looked at his hands. "I wish I could remember more," he added, "of before…with you. I just know what Danarius did." His face curled into a snarl. "If it weren't for these damned markings I couldn't have hurt or saved you. How is that inspirational?" That had been the real question. Their eyes met and he searched for an answer in them. Anything.

Lily took a step closer to him and her hands caught his wrist. Her thumbs stroked in small circles against his skin. "You defied your master when anyone else would have been afraid. You could have done what he said but you didn't. You inspired others to do the same." She was so sure of her words. It almost made Fenris want to believe them as well.

He looked away from her, unsure of what to say. He bit down on his lower lip for a moment before he turned to look back at the woman. The dye that had turned her hair black was fading and her blonde was coming back. He reached up and pushed some hair out of her face. "Why didn't you want to tell me?"

"Oh ,you heard that?" He watched her blush, but he only nodded in response. "I didn't want you to feel like you had an obligation to them or to feel responsible."

"What happened to them?"

It was Carver's turn to talk. "They've come to Kirkwall, well some, and I've provided them with help and funds to get where they want or need to go," he said.

"Do they know it was me?" He asked. He didn't want to deal with others seeking him for advice, help, or anything along those lines. He wasn't the leading type, slave or not.

"No," Lily replied, "Varric's contacts in Minrathous say they assume you died with Danarius and Hadriana. That's why they never came looking for you." She pulled him into her arms. His hands rested at the small of her back as she continued, "You're free." As many times as he had heard that, he still wasn't sure if it was real.

Fenris buried his face into her hair. "I was free when I met you… both times."

A small cough interrupted the moment. "Messere Carver?" Bodhan spoke up. "Someone's just arrived at the door for you."

"Oh, who is it now?" He asked in slight annoyance.

The dwarf held up a letter and Carver plucked it from his hands. "They left this."

Fenris watched the Champion's eyes widen. "Shit," he muttered. Lily frowned. There could only be a certain amount of things that could have been in that letter. Fenris didn't want to take a guess.

"What is it?"

"I think Meredith has finally started barking at the moon," he quoted Anders. "There's trouble in the Gallows. Wynne thinks I can help settle it down before anything goes too far." He put down the letter and grabbed his armor and greatsword. "Maker, I hope she's right." Lily moved from Fenris and grabbed her staff from the weapons rack. "What do you think you're doing?" Carver asked.

Her eyebrows creased together as she stuck her chin out in an act of defiance against her brother. "I'm going with you," she told him. "Do you think I'd let you go alone?"

A small smile formed on the youngest Hawke's face. They both turned slowly to look at Fenris. He knew where their loyalties were in the oncoming battle. He sighed heavily. Part of him didn't like it. The other part…well, his decision was clear. "I won't abandon you."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **_Thank __you __for __all __the __alerts! __Reviews __are __love. __Thank __you __to __**Saga **__**Svanhildr **__for __being __my __beta. __I __am __sad __to __see __Lily __and __Fenris __closing __a __chapter, __but __when __one __closes, __another __begins. __We__'__ll __see, __right? __;]_

"Heavy in Your Arms"

_Yesterday we were laughing_

_Today I'm left here asking_

_Where has all the time gone now_

_I'm left along somehow_

_Growing up and getting older_

_I don't want to believe it's over_

_-__"__Say __Goodbye__" __by __Skillet_

The blue cracks in his skin gave way when he finally lost the inner battle. Lily's heart broke for her friend. "Anders," she choked out as she felt the heated tears roll down her cheeks. He looked like he wanted to say something, and for a moment the lines disappeared, but then the ground shook. Lily would have fallen if Fenris hadn't been there to catch her. She looked up at the blacked sky, the fire singing in the darkness. Lily knew all too well where the blast had come from. "No!" She cried. "You didn't!"

The lines were gone. "I'm sorry," Anders said.

She managed to hear him over the shouts that Meredith and Orsino had directed towards her brother. "Shut up!" Carver yelled. Both looked at him, shocked that he would speak to them in such a way. "I'm getting sick and tired of the two of you arguing like an old married couple! Really, what will people think?" Carver shook his head. "We can fix this."

Meredith sneered. "Don't bother, Champion," she snapped at him, her words laced with an acidic tone. "I know where your loyalties lie. After all, your sister is a mage."

"Don't threaten her," Carver's voice had taken a darker tone that Lily had never heard before. It was obvious where the two stood in each other's eyes. Meredith's chin jutted upwards.

"Is that your final answer?" She asked.

"Very final."

Meredith ordered an attack on the group; an attack that Anders didn't fight back against. Was it shame? Remorse? Lily didn't know what stopped him. She twirled her staff in the air before she rammed the sharp blade at the end into a Templar, knocking his helmet off. Her hand pressed against his face, burning it and he fell to the ground. Her friends fought around her. Were they fighting for what was right? She had never been an advocate of the Circle; she had never wanted to go. People liked to blame blood mages for things, but she had seen an equal amount of corrupted Templars.

She felt Fenris at her back and a brief smile spread across her features. She couldn't afford distractions. One by one the Templars fell at the group's hands, but the last one didn't go without a fight, ramming his sword into Carver's side. The Champion did not cry out in pain, only returned the favor, finishing the other off by cutting off his head. Carver fell to the ground and Lily rushed to his side.

"Hold still," she ordered her brother.

"I'm fine," he tried to swat her away but she would not listen. She healed his side to the best of her ability, but she wasn't as skilled as Anders was. "Try not to take any more swords to the side, brother."

Carver smirked a little at her. "I'll do my best, sister." She moved to the side and helped him to his feet as Orsino and Wynne approached them.

"I don't like this one bit," the older woman said. She turned her head and looked at Anders. "How could he…"

"Desperate measures," Lily replied.

"Surely you're not defending him!" Orsino snapped at her.

Carver held up a hand before anyone said anything else. "There's no time for this, Meredith's heading for the Circle as we speak."

The First Enchanter sighed and his shoulders slumped slightly. "You're right," he said. His elven features hardened. "I'll let you take care of your…friend. You would be a much better judge for his fate." He then left with Wynne.

Carver headed over to Anders, who spoke first, giving his reasons and knowing that he had to die. Lily watched as her brother pulled out his knife. "What do you all have to say?" He asked for their opinions.

"I think you should let him live. Give him a chance to make things right," Merrill replied.

"There is no justice in this." Aveline turned her head away so she wouldn't look at the two.

"Templar? Mage? It all gives me one shitty headache." Varric prepped Bianca for more battles to come.

"It was bold," Isabela chimed in, "stupid…but bold."

"If he wants death, give it to him," Fenris added.

"Don't kill him," Lily finally gave her say. She begged. She hoped that he wouldn't. Not after everything that Anders had helped them do. Sometimes the good did outweigh the bad.

Carver sheathed his knife. "My father wouldn't condone your actions, nor mine if I were to take your life," he said, "you will be left in Aveline's charge after the battle. You will save as many mages as you can because their fates are forever changed thanks to that spirit inside of you."

Anders accepted his fate.

* * *

><p>"This isn't goodbye, Carver, don't make it seem like it is." Lily folded her arms in front of her body as her eyes narrowed at her brother. "Maker, you stupid boy, you better be taking me in there with you."<p>

Carver let out a loud laugh. "Wouldn't have it any other way sister," he told her. "You do have to promise me one thing though."

"Anything."

"When this is over, go. Find somewhere safe, away from this mess, until I can get it all figured out," he said.

Her throat tightened and her eyes watered. She wouldn't cry. She couldn't cry. "I promise."

"I know you won't be alone," her brother said softly. "It's comforting to know that." She watched the muscles in his jaw twitch. It seemed that he was having trouble holding in his emotions as much as she was. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it quickly. With a small nod, she watched as he turned away from her, but they couldn't end it like that.

"Carver," she said lightly. The youngest Hawke paused and turned around. Lily gave him a small smile. "I wouldn't have changed anything."

He smiled back at her. "Neither would I."

Lily let him walk away that time as he went to Isabela. She turned slightly as the pirate queen threw her arms around Carver. She'd let them have a private moment. Well, as private as things were going to get. She looked up to see Fenris taking a step towards her.

"This is foolish." His voice was grim. If anyone would know, it would be him after everything he had seen in Tevinter. "Do you really think freedom for mages will work out so well?" Lily didn't want to argue. Not now. Not when there was a battle looming in front of them.

"No," she replied honestly. "Not for most. But there has to be a better way. I never knew the Tower while so many have. I never turned to blood magic while so many have. Is it fair of me to judge what they want when I already have it?" He didn't say anything. "Would you see me locked in a Tower for something that I never had a choice in?"

Fenris looked down. "No," he replied slowly. "Promise me one thing." What was it with men and their promises when faced with death? She felt the cold metal of his gauntlets against her skin as he cupped her cheek. "Don't die. I couldn't bear the thought of living without you."

Lily shook her head. "I don't make that promise unless you do."

* * *

><p>Lily struggled under Meredith's grip as she used her to threaten Carver. She saw the tortured look on her brother's face. She closed her eyes and felt a heat take over her body. A spirit strike erupted from her and she used a telekinetic blast to push the crazy bitch back. She rolled over to the side in time for Carver to jump into action. Isabella appeared behind Meredith and rammed her daggers into her back as Carver pushed his greatsword through her armor. Fenris helped Lily to her feet as the other two pulled back and the Knight-Commander fell to the ground.<p>

A piercing scream echoed through the courtyard of the Gallows. Meredith leaned back and her body seemed to turn to stone. Red light radiated from her until the screams finally stopped. The rest of their friends gathered around them as one of the Templars checked to see if Meredith was dead. Lily didn't think there was any coming back from the state the Knight-Commander was in. She looked up to see Carver staring ahead of her. She turned her head to see what he was looking at and was surprised to see the retreating Templars. Cullen nodded at them and turned away.

Wynne, Carver, Isabela, Anders, Aveline, Varric, Shale, and Merrill… they were all going to go their separate ways. No one knew when they were going to see each other again. If ever.

"Lily," she turned to see Anders standing there with Aveline next to him. He finally looked at peace. "Thank you."

She opened her mouth to say something but couldn't find the words. His features softened and the look that he gave her spoke volumes, but it came far too late. Her heart went out to him. What would he do? What would happen to him? He turned and walked away before she had a chance to say goodbye. The Captain of the Guard gave them one last nod before heading off with him. Aveline had much more to do.

"I guess this is goodbye," Merrill spoke up. "Ma serannas, my friends… until we meet again." She gave a small wave and turned to leave. Lily watched the Dalish woman disappear from sight. She wondered for how long Merrill had wanted to go and silently wished her the best.

Why did it have to end like this? It had started with all of them coming together and of course it had to end with all of them leaving for one reason or another. Lily prayed that Andraste would watch over them, no matter what they did. She glanced to Varric and the dwarf looked up at her.

"What are you looking at me for?" Varric said and then grinned. "Someone has to keep Junior in check while you're gone." Lily looked to see Carver and Isabela hugging. Relief on their faces; it was a common feeling among the group at the moment.

Lily extended her hand out to Fenris and the elf took it. "What will you do?" Lily asked Wynne and Shale, who were the last remaining among them.

"I'm going to become the First Enchanter here," Wynne replied, "the Veil is so thin here…someone has to help."

"I am where I am needed," Shale added.

Carver came up to Lily and the siblings hugged. "Remember your promise," he said. "Tell no one where you are except for me." She didn't want to go. She didn't want to leave him, but it was going to be for the best. If they wanted the city to remain in control, she couldn't be here, not as a mage, as much as it pained her to admit. She nodded as she pulled back away from him. Her heart was heavy and she finally let herself cry. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as she felt like she was losing her family again. She wiped them away, furious that they had even fallen in the first place. She should have fought against the promise she made. She should have done a lot of things, but at that moment she could only do what she had agreed to.

"Goodbye, Carver."

For the first time in their lives, they would be miles, days, perhaps weeks apart from each other. It was disheartening for Lily, but it was for the best, she was sure. Her brother lifted up one hand in a goodbye wave and she left the boundaries of Kirkwall with Fenris by her side.

"Where will we go?" He asked.

"I have no idea."

* * *

><p>A year had passed since they left Kirkwall. Lily and Fenris had made their way from the Free Marches to Ferelden. Queen Raina and King Alistair had welcomed them into their country as a favor to the Champion, as the king so plainly put it. Lily knew that it was because eventually they would call upon her brother's service and possibly theirs as well. There was a war brewing after all. It wasn't only the mages against the Templars. It wasn't the fact that the Templars had torn themselves away from the Chantry. Countries were warring with each other again. Tevinter was on the rise, wanting to take advantage of the Magus War. Even Orlais was trying to take over Ferelden again.<p>

They never stayed in one place for long. Who could blame them? They first stayed in Highever as a guest to Teryn Fergus Cousland in his castle. The Teyrna Leliana had been a gracious host and Lily had been grateful, but when a group of rogue Templars was cast out of Highever by the Teryn for looking for her… She knew that it was time to go. They had been understanding and recommended they next seek out the Warden Commander, Neria, or head to Redcliffe. It seemed that allies were everything these days.

Lily had actually been to Recliffe once before. It was one of the places that the Hawke family had lived while hiding from the Templars. In reality, they had lived on the outskirts of the town, but they hadn't stayed long. During that time, they hadn't stayed anywhere long. Until Lothering. Redcliffe was nice, but different from what she had remembered. Lady Isolde had already welcomed her son Connor home, who had returned from Tevinter after hearing what happened in Kirkwall and what had been started, so she had been more than willing to welcome another mage on the run. Arl Eamon had passed away some time before they had arrived. This time they didn't stay long enough for the Templars to even think about showing.

Lily had longed to go back to Lothering, just to see it, just to see how her old home was holding up after the rebuilding, but it was the obvious place for her to go, so Fenris had made sure they didn't go back. Besides, the memories there…they would have been too much for her to relive. Fenris, being somewhat an expert on being on the run, even though he didn't remember that part of his life, hadn't minded moving around, but it was wearing down on her.

Isabela had caught wind of the Templars on Lily and Fenris's trail and arranged a place for them to stay in Alamar with old connections and friends. Things certainly weren't boring on the rocky island. Many Raiders recognized her to be the sister of the Champion of Kirkwall. With that title came respect or hatred. Lily and Fenris hadn't minded the fighting when the latter occurred.

They heard tales of what Carver had been doing while they were away. He made her promise to stay safe, which was sort of ironic seeing that she was in dangerous territory with some of the Raiders, but he also kept his end of trying to sort things out. He wouldn't tell her what happened to Anders. He hadn't heard from Merrill. Aveline still ran the City Guard while Varric handled everything else with Carver and Isabela. The city had been finally rebuilt after the battle between the mages and Templars. Wynne had stabilized the Veil somehow with the help of other mages who had come to the Circle there.

One day, the attacks on them became more frequent. Fenris wondered why it was dwarves coming after Lily rather than Templars. She had no idea. They had just gotten settled in their new home; she didn't want to leave again.

A message was delivered by an old crew member of Isabela's a few days after the last carta attack. It was a letter from Carver. Lily opened the parchment as Fenris moved ahead of her to sit on the rock ledge over looking the city below them. "What does it say?"

_Sister,_

_All __is __well, __if __you __want __to __believe __it __or __not. __Though __the __carta __has __been __attacking __the __estate. __I__'__ve __been __wondering __what __I __did __to __piss __them __off. __Varric __is __using __his __sources __to __find __out, __but __something __tells __me __that __you__'__ve __been __getting __the __same __courteous __treatment. __We__'__re __going __to __find __out __what __they __want, __but __you __know __I __need __you. __Something __tells __me __this __involves __the __both __of __us __some how.__The __city __is __safe, __Cullen __is __Knight-Commander __and __aware __of __you __coming __to __the __city. __Don__'__t __worry__… __With __what __I__'__ve __done, __you __won__'__t __have __Templars __on __your __ass. __You __should __thank __me. __I __beg __you __to __come __as __soon __as __possible, __Lils._

_-Carver_

She wondered what kind of trouble her brother had gotten into. She smiled briefly as she stared down at the sloppy handwriting. Lily knew she wouldn't miss Alamar. She did want to be with her brother again. "Oh, you know, it's just Carver being demanding again."

Fenris let out a low laugh. "That's not what I meant." She knew.

"We're being summoned by my brother," she replied quietly.

"Do you think it wise to go back to Kirkwall?"

Fenris turned to look up at her. She could see his worry. She moved to sit down next to him and laced her fingers with his. She leaned in and their lips touched softly. Lily closed her eyes tightly as she debated about it. He needed her help as she had needed his before. She pulled back and her eyes fluttered open. There were plenty of things that came to mind that she could say to him but she spoke the first words that she had thought of.

"Think of it as a new adventure."

**A/N:** _I __kind __of __tied __some __of __the __last __bit __in __with __another __story __of __mine. Thank you to all that have supported this story, it has meant so much to me! _


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